Mary Winchester | 17 | [Video/Private to Ryuutaro/Backdated like a boss]

[was_a_hunter]

[Ryuutaro Have you ever had a royally pissed mother figure in your life? Well, now you have. Not even taking the time to cover the red and purple (steadily turning black) bruise on her face, Mary's already looking for Ryuutaro and in an effort to save time, is sending him a private video call. Texting takes too much time.]

Where are you?

[The anger in her voice is clear enough. She may have fucked up, but she at least tried to make things better. And yes, grabbing Hayato had been stupid, but she hadn't had any other choice.]

We need to talk. Now.

Comments

[Video / not-so-backdated at all on monday mid-day]

[deeplymeaningless]

[Ryuutaro hadn't been checking his blackberry for days. As he finally got away from Hayato, he'd spent his time hiding, getting as far away from everyone and everything as possible. He'd been trying to store energy for dealing with Hayato.
And now everything seemed to have proven useless. Ryuutaro felt awful. He just wanted to go after Hayato, but he didn't now what to say.
If there had been some sort of mention of problems it would be easier to approach him, but everything was just becoming more distant.
He'd finally gotten away from the kid for a moment, too. The last fifteen minutes were minutes Ryuutaro had spent crying, but now he'd washed his face in the bathroom and fixed himself up again.
He probably didn't look good, but at least acceptable. It would have to do.
He couldn't keep crying forever. Ryuutaro figured that he needed to do something, get his thoughts away from Hayato for a bit. He was running in circles, over and over and over. It was no good.
Not like him.

So he'd checked his blackberry, just to find this message. He had no idea what it was about and it didn't seem pleasant at all. He briefly considered ignoring it, but he couldn't push it aside forever. Maybe it was better to get over with whatever she had to say to him.
He put on a very obviously fake smile, looking totally exhausted]

I think the 'now' from back then is a time we can't go back to, but you're free to point out whatever you want to talk to me about now, if you please.

[was_a_hunter]

[Mary's mood had done nothing but decline after it seemed that Ryuutaro ignored her message. The only time she wasn't almost seething was when she was taking care of the baby her and that boy Heiji had been given. It was more than clear to her that she wouldn't be allowed to keep the baby, but she wasn't able to completely detach herself from it. Not when she could so clearly see that the child indeed shared her blood.

Stepping from the room when she saw there was a response, she made sure she was out of earshot before responding to him in turn.]

You have the nerve to ask me that?

What in the hell did you do to Hayato?!

[Yes, behold. Someone that doesn't fear calling him by name. Considering that she had been almost taking him in as one of her own, she wouldn't back down from something so simple as what to call him.]

[deeplymeaningless]

[Did to Hayato? Ryuutaro stared for a moment.

Why did she seem to know more about this than he himself did? And why was she blaming him after he'd spent all this time trying to bite everything down, keep to himself and not break anything.
If the information hadn't be so important to him, Ryuutaro would've ended the conversation right there.
As he replied his smile did seem even more flawed, he couldn't keep his masks up, not like this]

Do to him? I didn't do anything. Why would I? I love him.

[It sounded almost paniced and that wasn't what Ryuutaro had intended at all. Everything was just turning worse by the minute]

[was_a_hunter]

You say you love him, but I don't see it. If you did, then you wouldn't have rejected him like you did!

[From what she could understand he bared his soul to him and Ryuutaro had stomped on it like a piece of trash. Why else would he be so adamant that he was lied to and everyone would eventually leave him?

She couldn't help her anger. As far as she was concerned, Hayato was one of her cubs, and like hell she'd let ANY of her babies get hurt. Much less by someone that supposedly loves him.]

What could he have said that would make him think you've abandoned him?! What could he have done that was so horrible?!

[deeplymeaningless]

[This time it took Ryuutaro a considerable greater amount of time to reply, but his facial expression indicated that she might as well just have removed all air around him.

Rejected? him? All he did, all he'd been trying to do was to not make Hayato feel like that and... this was the result?]

... w-what do you even know about him? Or me for that matter? How can you just go and judge like this?

[His voice was a mixture of panic and anger, concealed by a failing try to keep calm.]

What he could have said... what he could've done... what I've done... How can you even assume you would understand?
All these months I have done nothing but trying to stay with him, through everything that happened. I saw him DIE.

I gave up all I was just to be with him. How can you say I'd reject him now?

[Ryuutaro pressed his lips shut, trying to steady his breathing. He hadn't meant to say this much, he hadn't meant to lose it like this. Those were words nobody was ever supposed to hear, least of all a stranger like her. He had made himself so vulnerable in front of someone he didn't even know, how could he have been this stupid?]

[was_a_hunter]

I know enough about him! We've talked, we've fought, we spent time together in New York! As far as I'm concerned, he's one of my own and I will not allow his to be mistreated by the one person that should always be there for him and take care of him!

[She wasn't his mother and she'd never try to take his mothers place, but he needed to have someone on his side. If his so called boyfriend refused to be that person, then she would be.]

Okay, so he died. He's back now and the same person that loves you. Through everything you've put him through, all the fear, all the doubt, he still loves you and wants to stay with you. Haw dare you make him feel like he's not worthy of affection or anyone's love!

He's wondering when everyone else will abandon him and thinks everyone is lying to him, you don't DESERVE devotion like that. If you're going to abandon him now, then tell him and don't make him suffer like this!

[She may have been putting herself in Hayato's place. What would John have done if she'd told him half of what her home life was like...only in her case, there would have been no one to stand up for her. Like hell she would let Hayato feel that.]

If you gave up everything that you were to be with him, THEN PROVE IT! Let him see that!

[deeplymeaningless]

[Somewhere in between her words Ryuutaro could feel himself stopping to think, there was only silence running through his head anymore. He couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't breathe... but the meaning of what she said still got through to him.
What had become of him? He wouldn't just let... a stranger... affect him like that.

There was a clank as the blackberry was dropped from his hands and fell to the ground, soon followed by Ryuutaro who just lost the balance to stay on his feet at all anymore.

He wanted to stop existing right now, he wanted this to be over with. He had no place to go back to and for a single moment he felt that he also had no place to run forward to. There was just nowhere to go and even breathing hurt too much to worth it.
He'd lost his abilities, his beloved sport, himself and finally he was losing the one thing left to him, the one thing he could still hold on to.
The boy was tempted to put his hands over his ears and just stay like that until everything had somehow stopped.

But that wasn't like him... Ryuutaro remembered what he should be like and this was nothing like him. He couldn't allow himself this, he couldn't allow her the satisfaction of having one.

Shakily he picked the blackberry up again.]

... be silent, will you? You're not the one who will decide any of this... you're not him. You're not me. And there are things that you will never, never, never understand about us.

[He was speaking silently and hoarsely. His fingers were shaking and so was his voice, but he scrambled back on his feet.]

Our fate... can not be judged by anybody else.

[After missing two times he managed to turn the video recording off. He just really needed to see Hayato right now.]