[The first part of the story didn't surprise Ryuutaro at all and if he was completely honest, neither did the second. He had suspected it, somewhere very deep down, but he'd never ever brought the thought to the surface. But with his world... Hayato was technically worse than Ryuuga, than Reiji than Daidouji... all of the people Ryuutaro hated and would never go back to in his life, no matter what. A part of Ryuutaro rejected all this with all it's might. He wanted to run and hide. He had always known Hayato was good with dynamite... he was in the mafia... It... wasn't surprising. Ryuutaro had grown up between organized crime. His father's yakuza wasn't like mafia in Hayato's world, but he knew that sometimes they could be extremely cruel. And the Dark Nebula... Ryuutaro knew organized crimne. He heard about Hayato's world... It wasn't surprising. Yet, hearing it, he couldn't help but imagine it over and over, something he could and at the same time he couldn't. Now that he knew, really knew, for the first time he was forced to deal with the fact that his boyfriend was not only a criminal - he was used to those - but also a kind of killer. He felt sick.
While during Hayato's story he had to stop looking at him, he looked over now, his facial expression unreadable, just a bit more pale than usually. He just needed to know how he felt. Looking Hayato over, he had to imagine the blood on his hands, metaphorically... It felt weird. And ultimately it didn't change a thing. He felt sick, he felt awful and yet all he wanted to do was let himself be comforted by exactly those hands... while at the same time wanting to run from them. Ryuutaro was only half-aware of the fact that he didn't say anything for minutes. He just couldn't. There was so much he needed to figure out for himself. This was nothing he could just nod off. He was actually a person with a rather strong set of morals after all. 'If I had known this before... or if I was who I was when I arrived... I'd leave now and never come back' was a thought that crossed his mind. But he wasn't, not anymore. The extent to which he had changed only became visible to him now.
Ryuutaro stared at Hayato again, now at his face, his eyes. He loved this person. Even if a part of him wanted to change that, he was unable to. He loved him. For everything he was right now. He had seen his mind, his thoughts, felt his feelings... He couldn't just stop loving him, not after everything they'd been through. It'd take him some to get used to this ... but he knew he had to. If he didn't, he'd regret it every single day. So slowly and shakily he nodded.]
...y-yes. You're you now. I know who you are now. That's what counts to me.
[Ryuutaro felt as if he had crossed some invisible border. He couldn't ever return to who he had been, not anymore.
[in person]
But with his world... Hayato was technically worse than Ryuuga, than Reiji than Daidouji... all of the people Ryuutaro hated and would never go back to in his life, no matter what.
A part of Ryuutaro rejected all this with all it's might. He wanted to run and hide. He had always known Hayato was good with dynamite... he was in the mafia... It... wasn't surprising.
Ryuutaro had grown up between organized crime. His father's yakuza wasn't like mafia in Hayato's world, but he knew that sometimes they could be extremely cruel. And the Dark Nebula...
Ryuutaro knew organized crimne. He heard about Hayato's world... It wasn't surprising.
Yet, hearing it, he couldn't help but imagine it over and over, something he could and at the same time he couldn't.
Now that he knew, really knew, for the first time he was forced to deal with the fact that his boyfriend was not only a criminal - he was used to those - but also a kind of killer.
He felt sick.
While during Hayato's story he had to stop looking at him, he looked over now, his facial expression unreadable, just a bit more pale than usually.
He just needed to know how he felt.
Looking Hayato over, he had to imagine the blood on his hands, metaphorically... It felt weird. And ultimately it didn't change a thing. He felt sick, he felt awful and yet all he wanted to do was let himself be comforted by exactly those hands... while at the same time wanting to run from them.
Ryuutaro was only half-aware of the fact that he didn't say anything for minutes. He just couldn't. There was so much he needed to figure out for himself. This was nothing he could just nod off.
He was actually a person with a rather strong set of morals after all.
'If I had known this before... or if I was who I was when I arrived... I'd leave now and never come back' was a thought that crossed his mind.
But he wasn't, not anymore. The extent to which he had changed only became visible to him now.
Ryuutaro stared at Hayato again, now at his face, his eyes. He loved this person. Even if a part of him wanted to change that, he was unable to.
He loved him. For everything he was right now. He had seen his mind, his thoughts, felt his feelings... He couldn't just stop loving him, not after everything they'd been through.
It'd take him some to get used to this ... but he knew he had to. If he didn't, he'd regret it every single day.
So slowly and shakily he nodded.]
...y-yes. You're you now. I know who you are now. That's what counts to me.
[Ryuutaro felt as if he had crossed some invisible border. He couldn't ever return to who he had been, not anymore.