Badou Nails (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notkinkypatch) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
badfic_manor2012-08-16 01:31 am
notkinkypatch) wrote in badfic_manor2012-08-16 01:31 am
Entry tags:
[Video] Teenagers scare the living SHIT out of me (esp 8 ft ones with tits big as me)
[Badou has taken this past event in stride; which means mourning the half interested jailbait and giving his young impressionable and (sometimes) muscle-y charges countless wise lectures on life, liberty, and proper ways to access-]
The condom club! Listen up you sweet an sour assmunches, one day you'll rue the day you didn't heed Mr. Nails' awesome advice- 'specially when you get three little brats hangin' off your teats fer eighteen years. Anyway; writin, readin, arhythumtickin, an the condom club'll getcha far in life.[The feed chugs along as he paces, chewing on the end of his cigarette all the while and oblivious to the spit ball carnage happening to his ass and the back of his shirt. They've got good aim.]
Whip it out, piss in a cup, an your member is a member fer life. When your frothin' loins call out to each other wantonly durin' prom, very few of you'll get herpes or babies. Oh an ladies, you've got the same shpiel, but more hooter shit. [Badou turns to face his audience, of whom display a varying degree of confusion, disgust, and arousal, then takes a soothing pull from his blessed cigarette, pleased as punch with himself for NOT saying anything that could be deemed sexual harassment. For once.] Questions? Comments? Concer- no, Nezbit, put your goddamn hand down, I'm bout to put a detention slip up your ass, for the love of God, no, bad, sit. Yeah, /you/, what do you want?
Mister Nails, this is a health class. The unit was supposed to cover the toxicity and dangers of drugs and alcohol. Sexual education was last week and we all will spend the rest of our lives purging that from our memories. Also, you're exposing us to harmful second hand smoke. Again.
[All the brave soul receives for his trouble is a snort and the finger.] You're bout to be exposed to my foot in your asshole in a minute, how's that? Smoke is good fer you, builds character, an only communists believe that bullshit. Any other smartasses wanna go a round? I'll take you down to china town-
[When a particularly large (GARGANTUAN) young man in a letterman jacket stands and starts to make his way up the row of desks, Badou lets out a squawk, accuses the 'crew' of mutiny, and ducks behind his desk] EXCEPT YOU, SCOTTY, DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE A FIREWORK? AN MY FAVORITE? YOUR SPONTANEOUS MUSCLE TWITCHES DURIN CLASS MAKE ME SO ENVIOUS.
[The class bursts into laughter as 'Scotty' merely takes the bathroom pass, gives Badou the stink eye, then leaves. Just as the coast is clear and Badou emerges to straighten his knotted tie, a softball smacks him in the eye, sending him and his eyepatch reeling]
MOOOTHERFUCK! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY CALLED SOFT, THOSE AIN'T FLACCID AT ALL! WHO DID THAT, I'M GONNA-
TAKE A POTTY BREAK! [He storms out, the sound of his student's advise haunting him like a taco bell el grande]
Don't forget to wipe! That's the most important act of the day!
I'M GONNA ACT YOUR....AW SHUDDAP! [He bellows, lower lip wobbling pathetically, and the feed catches his rendition of Ginger Vs. The Water Fountain just before it cuts off.]
The condom club! Listen up you sweet an sour assmunches, one day you'll rue the day you didn't heed Mr. Nails' awesome advice- 'specially when you get three little brats hangin' off your teats fer eighteen years. Anyway; writin, readin, arhythumtickin, an the condom club'll getcha far in life.[The feed chugs along as he paces, chewing on the end of his cigarette all the while and oblivious to the spit ball carnage happening to his ass and the back of his shirt. They've got good aim.]
Whip it out, piss in a cup, an your member is a member fer life. When your frothin' loins call out to each other wantonly durin' prom, very few of you'll get herpes or babies. Oh an ladies, you've got the same shpiel, but more hooter shit. [Badou turns to face his audience, of whom display a varying degree of confusion, disgust, and arousal, then takes a soothing pull from his blessed cigarette, pleased as punch with himself for NOT saying anything that could be deemed sexual harassment. For once.] Questions? Comments? Concer- no, Nezbit, put your goddamn hand down, I'm bout to put a detention slip up your ass, for the love of God, no, bad, sit. Yeah, /you/, what do you want?
Mister Nails, this is a health class. The unit was supposed to cover the toxicity and dangers of drugs and alcohol. Sexual education was last week and we all will spend the rest of our lives purging that from our memories. Also, you're exposing us to harmful second hand smoke. Again.
[All the brave soul receives for his trouble is a snort and the finger.] You're bout to be exposed to my foot in your asshole in a minute, how's that? Smoke is good fer you, builds character, an only communists believe that bullshit. Any other smartasses wanna go a round? I'll take you down to china town-
[When a particularly large (GARGANTUAN) young man in a letterman jacket stands and starts to make his way up the row of desks, Badou lets out a squawk, accuses the 'crew' of mutiny, and ducks behind his desk] EXCEPT YOU, SCOTTY, DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE A FIREWORK? AN MY FAVORITE? YOUR SPONTANEOUS MUSCLE TWITCHES DURIN CLASS MAKE ME SO ENVIOUS.
[The class bursts into laughter as 'Scotty' merely takes the bathroom pass, gives Badou the stink eye, then leaves. Just as the coast is clear and Badou emerges to straighten his knotted tie, a softball smacks him in the eye, sending him and his eyepatch reeling]
MOOOTHERFUCK! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY CALLED SOFT, THOSE AIN'T FLACCID AT ALL! WHO DID THAT, I'M GONNA-
TAKE A POTTY BREAK! [He storms out, the sound of his student's advise haunting him like a taco bell el grande]
Don't forget to wipe! That's the most important act of the day!
I'M GONNA ACT YOUR....AW SHUDDAP! [He bellows, lower lip wobbling pathetically, and the feed catches his rendition of Ginger Vs. The Water Fountain just before it cuts off.]