[And just like that a flood of panic just takes over his mind. Ryuutaro knew what he was thinking?! W-what if he found out something he didn't like?! Had he heard about the kissing? W-was it still considered moving too fast if you're just thinking it?! Would it freak Ryuutaro out and drive him away?! Could he read memories too? What if he thought he was pathetic?! Ryuutaro was so special... and here he was... just so... not... but GAH! He could probably hear all this right now couldn't he?! What should he do?!
He wanted to run. He really did. He had so much riding on this relationship, if Ryuutaro found out... about that time... he would hate him.
But Ryuutaro's expression kept him in place.
He couldn't just leave him like that... he remembered what Ryuutaro had asked him once... "How much do you want me to give before it's finally enough for you?"
So Hayato bit his lip. Would he still accept him. He was terrified. Enough to almost want to cry, but he was a man. Still, he was more afraid of this than he had been when he was dying. At least with death he knew the pain would end... if Ryuutaro started to hate him for what he was then he was going to have to live the rest of his life with the rejection of someone he had cared about just so much. He had given so much to Ryuutaro... perhaps even more of him than he had to the Tenth. Of course Tsuna was always his first loyalty... but he was also his boss... he couldn't get emotionally invested in him.
Ryuutaro had come... and filled something. He never had someone he felt comfortable coming to with his problems before. He had confided things in him he had never told his boss... mostly because his boss hadn't really asked but... Ryuutaro had just become such a safety net for him.
And he was afraid if he lost that now, of all times, he would just crumble. so now all he could do was stare at Ryuutaro, terrified. What would he do now?]
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He wanted to run. He really did. He had so much riding on this relationship, if Ryuutaro found out... about that time... he would hate him.
But Ryuutaro's expression kept him in place.
He couldn't just leave him like that... he remembered what Ryuutaro had asked him once... "How much do you want me to give before it's finally enough for you?"
So Hayato bit his lip. Would he still accept him. He was terrified. Enough to almost want to cry, but he was a man. Still, he was more afraid of this than he had been when he was dying. At least with death he knew the pain would end... if Ryuutaro started to hate him for what he was then he was going to have to live the rest of his life with the rejection of someone he had cared about just so much. He had given so much to Ryuutaro... perhaps even more of him than he had to the Tenth. Of course Tsuna was always his first loyalty... but he was also his boss... he couldn't get emotionally invested in him.
Ryuutaro had come... and filled something. He never had someone he felt comfortable coming to with his problems before. He had confided things in him he had never told his boss... mostly because his boss hadn't really asked but... Ryuutaro had just become such a safety net for him.
And he was afraid if he lost that now, of all times, he would just crumble. so now all he could do was stare at Ryuutaro, terrified. What would he do now?]