badfic_manor | 32nd bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person/video]

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32nd bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person/video]

[In an attempt to finally pull himself out of his rut, Gokudera had gathered up the new types of dynamite he had developed to test out. He had been making slower progress with them than he wanted due to the plots... and the recent events... than he would have liked.

So he had made his way to a clearing in the forest, not too far from the manor, strapped up to his teeth in his dynamite. It's probably not too hard to notice the sound of explosions outside, it's pretty steady for a while, until the feed comes on. At first it is just a fabulous view of Gokudera's fabulous rear, and the sound of a pen scribbling can be heard. After a moment he gets up and puts down a notebook next to the blackberry... which he... doesn't notice is on. Clearly he's recording some sort of data and statistics. He takes a handful of dynamite all labeled in red masking tape with numbers scrawled on them, and he goes almost off-screen.

He lights the sticks and gives them a toss in the air. One simply falls, but the other three suddenly launch forward with the propelling mechanism he had installed in them. Two shoot forward, then direction mid-air circling around Gokudera and exploding a good distance behind him- just as he planned. However... the last stick circles back, but not far enough and heads right at Gokudera.]

Sh-shit!

[And with an explosion, the feeds timer ends and it shuts off]

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[Ryuutaro had been feeling downright miserable. He couldn't even remember how to do most of the things he lived for and instead his head was bursting with unimportant thoughts of other people. It wasn't funny.
And now this video-feed to make things all the better.

Ryuutaro grabs his fan and rushes over there at the speed of light. Maybe he could at least feel Hayato with those abilities of his?]

[Luckily Gokudera was mostly unharmed. He had been blown back a few feet though and was on the ground. He rolled over with a grunt and just looked up at the sky for a while.

That had been pathetic. He should have been able to dodge it, but he had frozen up in fear. He was supposed to be stronger than that, he had been in the past! Why couldn't he just get over this? He was becoming a burden on everyone around him, and he hated himself for it.

He ran his hands up through his hair and let out a growl, hitting his head on the ground in frustration.]

Fuck!

[When Ryuutaro reached Hayato he had to gasp for air. Feeling other people's thoughts was one thing, but this was Hayato. He cared. It was so intensive, so negative and he could hear it, it just filled his head.
He reached up to his forehead, but then pulled himself together, walking closer to place his hand on Hayato's shoulder softly]

You shouldn't do that, it does not look overly healthy.

[And you shouldn't feel all those things]

[Gokudera's head snapped over to Ryuutaro... sh-shit...when did he get here?! How much had he seen. He'd probably be all worried and upset at him.

The teen quickly scrambles into a sitting position.]

Ah, sorry... I just wanted to test out the dynamite I developed, and I got careless, that's all. I'm fine.

[And here he thought he couldn't feel any worse. He looked down at the ground expecting Ryuutaro to give him an earful. Which he deserved... though for much more than Ryuutaro was going to scold him for. He had been too weak to fight off the angel, he broke his promise to the Tenth... and even if he had been given pardon... that promise meant the world to him. And he broke it. And he's been just so pathetic lately, pathetic and clingy. He was trying to give Ryuutaro his space.. he wanted to give everyone their space, so they didn't have to worry about him. But he just kept relying on them, and he couldn't even pay them back. The Tenth had surpassed him so far that even with his box weapon he was useless to the Vongola... his home. He kept imposing himself on Ryuutaro's life because he was selfishly too terrified of being alone. Temari... he didn't even know what do with her... he didn't even know what was wrong with her... He was thinking she was upset with him because of his sexuality... which as much as he wished he was he was still afraid and ashamed of... which he could never confide in anyone. And now to top it all off, when he finally tries to make himself useful he freezes up and nearly gets himself killed again. He should know better, he shouldn't be afraid. To him working dynamite should be as easy as breathing, it was the one thing he knew he was good at... but here he was... failing that too.

He was just so damn worthless to everyone right now.]

[Reading all of those thoughts whether he wanted or not, Ryuutaro almost felt like breaking down.
So he did just let himself fall onto the ground next to Hayato, reaching up to his head without realizing it again.]

You... you shouldn't talk yourself down like that.

[What he head meant to say was that he was an idiot, such an idiot for being this careless, that he shouldn't do this... But he couldn't bring himself to say anything negative, not after experiencing those feelings.]

[Gokudera didn't waste anytime worriedly placing his hand over Ryuutaro's. Was he sick? Had he... come out here even if he was unwell somehow? Shit maybe he should be in bed or something.

Dammit, why did he have to be such a dumbass and pull something like this. It was the start of a new plot, he should have checked to make sure Ryuutaro was okay before he went off to do things! He didn't want Ryuutaro to be hurt... he needed him so much, even if he felt horrible for it, and he was terrified that something might befall him.]

Hey, are you okay?

[And Ryuutaro just stared at Hayato for a moment. He was somewhere between being satisfied and overwhelmed with this... Hayato was... really cute. And an idiot.
He smiled a bit]

As alright as I can be with the current power-switches going on.

[Maybe he shouldn't tell Hayato this... He remembered truth week. Hayato had really not wanted him to get to know more about him. But that was then and now was now. They were a couple. And he wanted to be honest and he wanted Hayato to do the same]

I can't remember a single thing about how to foresee the future. Nothing. Not my usual ways, not tarot, not ... anything.

[Ah shit... his fortune-telling? That was... really important to Ryuutaro. Wh-what was he supposed to do now? He was his boyfriend right? So he should try to comfort him!

Now how the fuck was he supposed to do that? The only people who tried to comfort him were Ryuutaro, Tsuna... and his sister... though his sister's motives were questionable. So when he was upset Ryuutaro... put an arm around him... or hold him... he would like to hold him or hug him... but that might be weird. What if Ryuutaro thought he was going too fast? That had worried him last week, but last week... was nice... so maybe...

Yeah, no. He can't do it. So he's just going to put his arm around Ryuutaro's shoulders and pull him a bit closer.... and blushing a bit. Ryuutaro was really cute after all.]

H-hey... well it's just a week! We'll be alright, there aren't any monsters or anything after us...

[Ugh god damm fucking words... that sounded so much better in his head... he knew it meant more to Ryuutaro then that he was... just trying to be POSITIVE... which he was... kind of bad at in most cases.]

[And suddenly that didn't even feel all-too-bad anymore. Ryuutaro listened to Hayato's thoughts and couldn't help, but smile a bit more.
Ever since Hayato's death Ryuutaro had gone back and forth between being clingy or feeling distanced and alienated and sometimes he'd just wondered why he kept doing this to himself.
He knew now.

Ryuutaro leaned against Hayato, still smiling. So knowing the truth wasn't always as hurtful as it had been in truth week. It was a reassuring thought.]

I know... It's probably a more peaceful week. But the thought of someone else having my ability... my knowledge possible, is discomforting.

[Suddenly feeling very comfortable he turned his head a bit more into Hayato's direction, so that his face could lean against Hayato's shoulder while he looked up at his boyfriend]

[He could feel his heart skip a beat seeing that smile. He was so close... and just the way he was looking up at him. He wanted to do something like stroke his cheek, or maybe brush some hair out of his face... maybe give him a kiss...

But he quickly forced those thoughts away... he didn't know if Ryuutaro would be okay with any of it... and he didn't want to scare him off. If Ryuutaro left... if would break his heart. He hadn't allowed himself to get so attached to people after he ran away. Until he was twelve all they ever did was hurt and betray him... but now he had someone who... he was in love with... and he was just so frightened that it would end like it had with his family. He couldn't take that sort of rejection again... he was just so afraid of getting hurt...

He had to force his own worries and desires back again when Ryuutaro spoke. It was something he understood well enough. He wasn't sure what had been taken from him but... he was kind of afraid to find out. He wasn't even sure what to say to comfort him that time...]

Well, maybe they won't figure out how to use it? I-I mean... they probably wouldn't know what it is...

[Those thoughts...
Touch...

Kiss...

Well, Hayato was right. It was scary. Not necessarily bad, but scary. He didn't know how to feel about it, but he found his thoughts revolving about those romantic thoughts of Hayato. So many feelings for him.
Scary.... but good. He felt reassured.]

Maybe... but since I don't remember even the techniques... Chances just appear low.

[Not that he was paying much attention to the subject of their talk anymore, but about their relationship, about being close... He didn't get a to a real conclusion, but he knew he liked those thoughts. So he just raised his hand to casually just place his arm around Hayato. Only a little bit]

[It's pretty obvious he was having a bit of trouble keeping up with the conversation as well, the only thing really binding him to it is his worry. He thinks for a moment on something good to say, really harsh words and insults just came so much easier than being friendly.]

Well, I can't see the future... and I get by alright. Besides... I won't let anything bad happen to you.

[And then there was just that little gesture of affection, and for a moment his self-loathing just seemed to melt away. Ryuutaro was comfortable with the gesture, which meant he hadn't overstepped anything by reaching out to comfort him. And this meant that Ryuutaro cared too... well he knew he did... but it was just a little reminder... that maybe... he wasn't always the despicable person he thought he was...

and that train of thought is quickly disregarded. He just needed to remind himself of everything that he had done... and everything that he was. A bastard. A half-breed. He was... there weren't even words to describe what he was like on the streets. It was a part of his life that he hadn't told anyone about. No one knew. Only him and the people he had done business with. And no one wanted him... for four years. So... there had to be something wrong with him.

But... it was nice to have someone who liked him anyway. Even if he didn't know the whole story. He hated himself for not telling Ryuutaro more about it... it felt like he was lying to him. But if he knew... then he would probably leave him too...]

[Those were stupid words. Ryuutaro knew that everyone aside from him couldn't see the future and lived just fine... It was not that. It was not that he was worried for his life. But fortune-telling... it was what made him special.
And it was something he put all his passion into, something he loved from the bottom of his heart. All the knowledge that had been taking from him was something he'd worked for over years and he'd worked hard.

And then Hayato got back into his self-loathing and Ryuutaro's other hand shot up to his head again. This was just so hard to stand. On every other person it would've been easy, but Hayato... Hayato of all people shouldn't feel like that. He was special, special enough for Ryuutaro to chose him.

And suddenly he was really scared to tell Hayato about his ability this week. What if he'd run away? Hayato should really trust him by now, but apparently he didn't. That was a bit hurtful.
He fell silent for a moment just pressing his hand against his forehead, trying to think]

[And that hand to his forehead again... something had to be wrong, and thus this previous train of thoughts were once again dropped. Hayato breaks there position for a moment so that he could take off his coat and drape it around Ryuutaro's shoulders. It was singed, and a bit dirty from having to make that last minute dive to the ground, but the inside should be clean at least. If Ryuutaro was sick and was wasting time out here for his sake... well, he wouldn't allow that.

He placed his arm around Ryuutaro again, trying to press the pre-warmed jacket closer to him for warmth.]

Come on, we should get you inside. Have you taken anything yet? For your headache?

[After all that's what it looked like it was...]

[And back was the adorable. But Ryuutaro could not forget Hayato's prior thoughts at all]

Thank you... but it's not really that.

[For another moment he was silent, but Hayato had the right to know. And if he just never provoked the situation in which Hayato could run away... then he'd never be sure and that'd be ridiculous]

It's just the power the Author has given me instead.

[A power? Was it hurting him? He was glad to know he wasn't sick... but if he had some sort of dangerous power he didn't know how to control... like something of Mukuro's... then it could be disastrous.

Hayato looks at Ryuutaro, clearly worried, willing him to continue.]

Actually I...

[This was hard. He was really nervous how Hayato would react]

I've been able to feel your thoughts. And everybody else's. I appear to be a telepath now.

[And he just looks at Hayato. If he left now... He didn't know what he would do]

[And just like that a flood of panic just takes over his mind. Ryuutaro knew what he was thinking?! W-what if he found out something he didn't like?! Had he heard about the kissing? W-was it still considered moving too fast if you're just thinking it?! Would it freak Ryuutaro out and drive him away?! Could he read memories too? What if he thought he was pathetic?! Ryuutaro was so special... and here he was... just so... not... but GAH! He could probably hear all this right now couldn't he?! What should he do?!

He wanted to run. He really did. He had so much riding on this relationship, if Ryuutaro found out... about that time... he would hate him.

But Ryuutaro's expression kept him in place.

He couldn't just leave him like that... he remembered what Ryuutaro had asked him once... "How much do you want me to give before it's finally enough for you?"

So Hayato bit his lip. Would he still accept him. He was terrified. Enough to almost want to cry, but he was a man. Still, he was more afraid of this than he had been when he was dying. At least with death he knew the pain would end... if Ryuutaro started to hate him for what he was then he was going to have to live the rest of his life with the rejection of someone he had cared about just so much. He had given so much to Ryuutaro... perhaps even more of him than he had to the Tenth. Of course Tsuna was always his first loyalty... but he was also his boss... he couldn't get emotionally invested in him.

Ryuutaro had come... and filled something. He never had someone he felt comfortable coming to with his problems before. He had confided things in him he had never told his boss... mostly because his boss hadn't really asked but... Ryuutaro had just become such a safety net for him.

And he was afraid if he lost that now, of all times, he would just crumble. so now all he could do was stare at Ryuutaro, terrified. What would he do now?]

[He was not running. Ryuutaro almost let out a sigh of relief. Hayato was here.
He could feel how scared he was. It was to be expected... And Hayato being here was the best he could've hoped for.
It was prove of how far they'd come. He wouldn't have stayed with him like this in the past. Instead they would probably not have talked for the entire week.

For a moment he was silent as well, just taking in Hayato's feelings on this matter. The way he was terrified was making Ryuutaro feel like his head would burst at any moment.
He had to make it stop, for them both. Somehow.

A helpless little smile entered his face.]

I haven't heard a single thing I would've disliked...

[It was true. Maybe it had confused him, left him unable to understand, sad even, but he didn't dislike anything. In fact he'd just become more sure of why he went through all of this for Hayato. And it had been amazing to be able to feel all those thoughts about him]

Your thoughts are rather cute when you're not unnecessarily talking yourself down.

[He smiled a bit more, before leaning against Hayato again. It took him a bit to do this, but seeing how positive Hayato reacted to these things, maybe it would help to ease him again?]

[Hadn't heard a singe thing he disliked? D-did he really think that? H-he honestly didn't mind just how.. pathetic he really was?

And the fear and terror just seems to begin to crumble and melt away leaving behind this almost overwhelming sense of relief. So overwhelming he honestly had to fight the urge to cry. Mendontcrymendontcrymendontcry... aaaaaand those are his eyes welling up a bit.]

I-I-I.... I....

[honestly couldn't think of a response... after everything... Ryuutaro liked him for being the horrifically flawed thing he was?

and wait a minute... cute?! H-him.... cute?! H-how did he even... wh-what...!? just... no he wasn't cute! Where did Ryuutaro even come to that?! Ryuutaro was the cute one! Not him!]

C-cute?! H-how...?!

[And so many flustered blushings and mental flailing... and maybe... just maybe... just a touch flattered... everything just stopped when Ryuutaro leaned against him. His breathing calmed and his thoughts just went blank- though his heart began to beat just that much faster. He honestly loved it when Ryuutaro touched him- in any way at all. It meant that he wasn't going to fast... that they're right as they should be. Hayato put an arm around Ryuutaro's back and shoulders, just bringing him a little bit closer. For the moment his thoughts consisted only of Ryuutaro. What it felt like to have him lean so close to him... his weight, his scent, the way he could feel his form through the clothes. He loved it all. It was just a wonderful feeling.]

[Ryuutaro could not find himself agreeing with Hayato calling him cute in his thoughts either. But the short irritation about this vanishes the moment Hayato's thoughts calmed down.
He could feel himself in Hayato's thoughts and it was like he was drowning in it.
But for once drowning was good.
He felt save.

All this time he wondered why he gave so much to this relationship when all he'd thought he wanted was someone to worship the ground he walked on. And now feeling all of these feelings inside of Hayato... He knew he had exactly what he wanted, even if it was more difficult than you'd expect it to be.]

It's cute how you can think and question so much about things like this...

[Even if he himself was so unsure of what was to fast and what not, he could not ever imagine to think so much back and forth about a simple thing he'd like to do.
And the way Hayato did all this because he didn't want to hurt him...

Ryuutaro smiled and just melted into Hayato's arms. This was easier now that he could feel his thoughts. Now that he knew why Hayato sometimes seemed a little too far away.]

[And Hayato happily took Ryuutaro in his arms, and gently leaned his cheek against the top of Ryuutaro's head. He still didn't get how he was cute. At all. Ever. Or his thoughts. His thoughts were stupid... unless it was in academics.... or something. Even as a kid... yeah people thought he was cute in the mansion... until he pulled handful of dynamite out and started waving it around. Men aren't cute!

Ngh... Ryuutaro kind of broke that logic... maybe it was because he was younger? Or smaller? Hayato looked down at Ryuutaro, and all he could feel that he wanted was just to hold him close and see him smile. Snow be damned, he was comfortable right here.]

Th-the way I question shit? [He rubbed the back of heck as he tried to figure out how that worked.] I always figured I was just bein' careful...

Over-careful sounds more like it.

[Ryuutaro chuckled a bit. Their minds worked so differently and so alike, it was fascinating.]

It's not a bad thing though.

[Not mostly. Only when it came to things like Hayato's text message back in the day. Then Ryuutaro wished he would not be careful and considerate and just speak and act his mind instead, without too many second thoughts]

[He smirked a little and let out a little chuckle]

I guess I just get nervous... you've meant a lot to me as a friend for a long time now... and... I've never really made friends easily. I don't want to mess it up.

[And now that they've moved beyond just friends... there was so much more at stake. More to be afraid of losing...]

[He could understand this reason, or at least the concept of it. But...]

Which still means you've got a lot more experience at being close to people than I have, honestly.

[But it was for different reasons naturally.]

[Ah, right... he had the Vongola but... he hadn't really made much effort to get close to the other guardians. He guessed they were still friends... they acted like it, but it was still different with Ryuutaro and Temari. His first friends outside of the Famiglia. Friends he had made for himself, and not been assigned to.

Still... Ryuutaro hadn't really had that. Hayato shrugged.]

Well... you've got friend's now...

[Friends. He knew the Tenth considered Ryuutaro one in gratitude for taking care of him after the angel attack. The other guardians would probably like him too...

... except Mukuro- but no one likes that whackjob.]

[Ryuutaro did think differently on this matter. Hayato had been about his only friend, before all this turned out to be just a bit more. Though, he supposed, he'd count Megamind as a friend, but he had not really seen him for ages now.]

I wouldn't use plural, but that's just the way I live. I'm glad with what I have.

[A bit more of a smile at this point]

[Not use plural... but... that would mean he was only talking about him...

...and he was just glad with that? Hayato couldn't understand it. There were so many nicer, stronger, smarter, more proper people out there, yet Ryuutaro was glad with just him? The bastard half-breed that was thrown on the streets because no one wanted him? Why... why would Ryuutaro ever be content with just... him of all people? He knew Ryuutaro told him not to question their relationship every five seconds... and he could honestly say he really tried, but he just couldn't help but be unsure. He remembered all those things Ryuutaro had said about him, though he felt as though Ryuutaro had lied when he said he didn't annoy him. It was just so hard to believe. What had changed that made people suddenly find value him? He just didn't understand.]

R-Ryuutaro... I... I don't know wh-what I'm supposed to say now....

I'm not sure if there is even any sort of proper etiquette for this, so you can say what you want. Even if that means not replying at all.

[For what should he even reply? Ryuutaro knew that Hayato could not give this back, but that was fine... at least for the time being. Ryuutaro knew the anti-social way he lived was exceptional, even if he was getting better. He had people who he got along with, but he wasn't just ready to properly call them friends.
And that was fine, he never wanted any. He was like this because of his own choice.
Hayato wasn't like that, he'd almost painfully seen that. And if he needed acceptance and being liked than it was like this.
If Ryuutaro was in a good mood he didn't care. He was not that possessive.]

[Say anything he wants? He didn't feel there were words to proper describe how he felt... at least none that he had the confidence to say. He was never really good with words either... actions were always easier.

So he's just going to pull Ryuutaro closer, not that they could really GET much closer, and hold him tightly in his arms for a moment. He was so grateful for his boyfriend. Just his sentiments alone meant so much to him.]

Thank you...

[Whoa, that was bomb boy. ....And he blew up? That was unfortunate.]

Hey, don't blow yourself up.

[And Hayato just looks at the screen and glares at.... whoever the fuck that guy was...

and then promptly proceeds to flip him off.]

Edited 2011-12-10 05:44 (UTC)

[Fran's just staring.]</small That isn't very nice.

[And oh the fucks he gives about your opinion. So much so that he's just going to hang up on you right then and there...]

[Two can play at this game. CONSTANTLY CALLING AND HANGING UP NOW]

You planned that, I take it?

[Gokudera rolls onto his side and looks at the blackberry. Fan-friggin-tastic. That was recorded. Just his mother-fucking day.

Hayato just glared as herd as he could at the screen, wishing he could just make the blond explode by thinking alone]

Fuck off.

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32nd bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person/video]

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assuming video?

yep

II'm so oorry he's just such a douche Fran ;_;

Oh, Fran's one too. Don't you worry =w=

[Video]

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