[And he had forgotten that earlier when he was practicing. That was why he failed.]
I fight so that tomorrow I can laugh together with everyone who's important to me. If something happens to me then all that won't mean anything.
[He reached up to cup Ryuutaro's cheek with his hand. For the moment, Ryuutaro's dislike of being touched didn't matter. He needed this. Physical reassurance.]
I gave my life for you because I knew I would be alright. I knew that I would come back and you would be here waiting for me with everyone else, and no matter how much it hurt, or how scared I was, it would be okay.
[And he didn't regret his decision at all. Yes, it had caused a lot of people pain, but he would recover. He's had so many close encounters with death that he could just spite it in the end. Ryuutaro was so much more gentle than he was, not filled with the anger and bitterness at the world for all the pain it had caused him like Hayato was. If Ryuutaro had died that would have changed. Death wasn't something that a person was supposed to experience like Hayato had. Those days on the streets when he had been so hungry he had collapsed, or when he had gotten beaten up so badly all he could do was lay on the ground bloody and too pained to move. There had been so many times he just recklessly thrown himself into harms way, knowing full well his life could be forfeit in an instant. The poisoned food his sister made. Guns pointed to his head. Faulty dynamite that hadn't done what it was supposed to. When he had tried to kill the Tenth. Training for the ring battles. The fight with Belphegor. The torture and interrogation by Gamma. The day he lost his leg because of Gaara. And countless more times. He could face death. He had been outrunning it for so long, he knew it would be only a matter of time before it caught up to him. So what? It finally won one. Hayato could recover, he wasn't normal like everybody else- and that was why he could die in Ryuutaro's place. Ryuutaro deserved to keep that innocence he had about the world. He was special. More special than Hayato could ever find words for. There was no need for him to become as damaged as Hayato had, he loved Ryuutaro just as he was.
Hayato leaned forward until his face was next to Ryuutaro's, and for the first time since the angel had taken his life there was a big honest smile spread on his face.]
... because I have special people who care about me, who I belong with, and who are strong in so many ways I'm not.
[And he pressed his lips to Ryuutaro's cheek in a very loving, but chaste, kiss. This wasn't just about one of them anymore. They weren't alone. They couldn't just recklessly endanger themselves to accomplish something. That was... selfish. It was hard for someone who grew up learning that the only person you should rely on and care about was yourself, Hayato knew. He had needed to think like that to survive, and once he found a purpose and a home he had felt that it outweighed the value of his life since, after all, no one had ever cared about him except himself. He didn't know exactly what Ryuutaro's reasons were for being alone, but there had to be similarities in their thoughts. Why else would Ryuutaro end up doing the exact same thing he had for the Vongola?
They were... going to have to try and understand how the other was feeling now, and take those feelings into consideration before acting...]
Oh my god I wibbled writing this... s-so hard.
[And he had forgotten that earlier when he was practicing. That was why he failed.]
I fight so that tomorrow I can laugh together with everyone who's important to me. If something happens to me then all that won't mean anything.
[He reached up to cup Ryuutaro's cheek with his hand. For the moment, Ryuutaro's dislike of being touched didn't matter. He needed this. Physical reassurance.]
I gave my life for you because I knew I would be alright. I knew that I would come back and you would be here waiting for me with everyone else, and no matter how much it hurt, or how scared I was, it would be okay.
[And he didn't regret his decision at all. Yes, it had caused a lot of people pain, but he would recover. He's had so many close encounters with death that he could just spite it in the end. Ryuutaro was so much more gentle than he was, not filled with the anger and bitterness at the world for all the pain it had caused him like Hayato was. If Ryuutaro had died that would have changed. Death wasn't something that a person was supposed to experience like Hayato had. Those days on the streets when he had been so hungry he had collapsed, or when he had gotten beaten up so badly all he could do was lay on the ground bloody and too pained to move. There had been so many times he just recklessly thrown himself into harms way, knowing full well his life could be forfeit in an instant. The poisoned food his sister made. Guns pointed to his head. Faulty dynamite that hadn't done what it was supposed to. When he had tried to kill the Tenth. Training for the ring battles. The fight with Belphegor. The torture and interrogation by Gamma. The day he lost his leg because of Gaara. And countless more times. He could face death. He had been outrunning it for so long, he knew it would be only a matter of time before it caught up to him. So what? It finally won one. Hayato could recover, he wasn't normal like everybody else- and that was why he could die in Ryuutaro's place. Ryuutaro deserved to keep that innocence he had about the world. He was special. More special than Hayato could ever find words for. There was no need for him to become as damaged as Hayato had, he loved Ryuutaro just as he was.
Hayato leaned forward until his face was next to Ryuutaro's, and for the first time since the angel had taken his life there was a big honest smile spread on his face.]
... because I have special people who care about me, who I belong with, and who are strong in so many ways I'm not.
[And he pressed his lips to Ryuutaro's cheek in a very loving, but chaste, kiss. This wasn't just about one of them anymore. They weren't alone. They couldn't just recklessly endanger themselves to accomplish something. That was... selfish. It was hard for someone who grew up learning that the only person you should rely on and care about was yourself, Hayato knew. He had needed to think like that to survive, and once he found a purpose and a home he had felt that it outweighed the value of his life since, after all, no one had ever cared about him except himself. He didn't know exactly what Ryuutaro's reasons were for being alone, but there had to be similarities in their thoughts. Why else would Ryuutaro end up doing the exact same thing he had for the Vongola?
They were... going to have to try and understand how the other was feeling now, and take those feelings into consideration before acting...]