http://notkinkypatch.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] notkinkypatch.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] badfic_manor2011-12-14 02:54 am

Puff Pass 3 I think [Action] I am so SO sorry Santa

[So Badou awoke like most of you mannorians or whatever you're called did when you first arrived in this wondrous wintery wonderland of expensive crap, screaming babies and drunk couples. Except in a less sexy manner and there wasn't a dead hooker under the bed. It was magical, it was splendid, there were countless ways to rub up against some drunk (whether on actual booze or the highlights of mixtures of air pollution and those shoppers that kind of trip balls during this season) ladies and still manage to avoid their boyfriends, the free samples didn't taste like ass, and the lights were pretty. It was also cold as balls but sorta not that bad somehow. Upsides to every cloud of shit.

Unfortunately for Badou's jolly freckled ass the fun came to a complete halt once he engaged in a two toed one eyed one armed tango with a particularly disgruntled Mall Santa and the result was, well...]


Hohohooooooooooo MEEEEERRRRRRYYY DICKMAAAAAAASSS or whatever it is....I ain't gettin' paid to say it right, it's socially acceptable, eat me....

[If you listen, really listen, you can hear the traumatic memories the children fleeing from Santa's line are suppressing right at this moment. You'll find Badou, slightly bruised but none worse for wear in his Santa suit wedged with stuffing gaping out of the neckhole and sleeves because he's a skinny bastard, sitting with his booted feet thrown over the arm of Santa's elaborate chair and glaring daggers at the horrified Elves and various mothers making it their mission to get the hell out of his way]

Y'know, I didn't even hit the bastard that hard! He's a veteran, he could take more than a punch to that jolly gut! I even made it fair when I let him tie my arm up with his goddamn beard. Ya'll are lucky that lady cop was so hot and I'm so fuckin' nice.... [This is where you'll find him, if you want to find him, bitching at whoever is in armsreach. I really wouldn't blame whoever doesn't.]

HOOOHOOOHOOOO TELL SANTA WHAT YOU WANT YOU LITTLE SHITS! So I can tell you no. You don't need a fuckin' pony, what you need is braces.

[identity profile] destinyunravels.livejournal.com 2011-12-14 08:11 am (UTC)(link)
[ Norrington was already extremely confused by the big city, more lights in one place than he'd ever seen or would probably see ever again, horrible smelly things called "cars," and overall way too many people (though at least they weren't pirates...OR WERE THEY??), but when he was wandering aimlessly through a mall and heard a familiar loud and uncouth mouth spouting off only the good Lord knew what in modern-day language, he knew it was going to be bad.

He looks around until he spots him: Mr Badou Nails sprawled out on the chair, dressed as an...old man?...in a red suit and stuffing poking out of the sleeves. This was certainly a sight.

James makes his way over. ]


Mister Nails... [ he says slowly in his typical uptight-wig fashion ] what on earth are you doing?
andsuddenlydynamite: ([unamused] processing....)

[personal profile] andsuddenlydynamite 2011-12-14 07:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[Hayato had just been skulking strolling irritably merrily along the mall trying to figure out what to get his few friends for Christmas. When he hears what most be the most spectacular butchery of a mall Santa ever.

So he lights up a cigarette and casually strolls over to watch the show. He had heard that they did some over-the-top stuff on the holidays in America... if that big-ass tree wasn't any indication of that... but this...

this was all kinds of spectacular. So he just leaned against the wall for a bit, smirking with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth to watch for a while before he bothered to say anything.
]

Oi, Jackass, I think you're doin' it wrong.

[Not that he gives half-a-shit, which is carried in his tone, he just wanted to see if he couldn't push the guy's buttons some more.]

[identity profile] 1ofyour5aday.livejournal.com 2011-12-15 03:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[.....]

[Now, Elphaba could very easily just walk on and leave the scene to unfold by it's own means. But where's the fun in that?

Stepping past the horrified mothers and traumatised kids, a raised brow follows a smirk, both aimed at the impromptu santa
]

Having fun...?

I just wanted to let you know this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

[personal profile] oftime 2011-12-16 09:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Dave observes from a relatively safe distance, both from this stuffed Santa and from any and all stampedes of parents with their traumatized children. This calls to mind the one time that Bro was a mall Santa, and he can't really repress the faint shiver that is not from the New York weather. Especially not since he spent most of his morning collecting proper winter clothes for his own freckled ass.

He quirks a brow, deciding it's safe enough to come closer, faint amusement quirking his pokerface into an almost smirk.
]

Gee, Santa, looking a lil' worse for the wear. [ He sniffs, and his nose crinkles almost immediately. ] And smelling like a shipment of cigarettes.