Puff Pass 3 I think [Action] I am so SO sorry Santa

[notkinkypatch.livejournal.com]

[So Badou awoke like most of you mannorians or whatever you're called did when you first arrived in this wondrous wintery wonderland of expensive crap, screaming babies and drunk couples. Except in a less sexy manner and there wasn't a dead hooker under the bed. It was magical, it was splendid, there were countless ways to rub up against some drunk (whether on actual booze or the highlights of mixtures of air pollution and those shoppers that kind of trip balls during this season) ladies and still manage to avoid their boyfriends, the free samples didn't taste like ass, and the lights were pretty. It was also cold as balls but sorta not that bad somehow. Upsides to every cloud of shit.

Unfortunately for Badou's jolly freckled ass the fun came to a complete halt once he engaged in a two toed one eyed one armed tango with a particularly disgruntled Mall Santa and the result was, well...]

Hohohooooooooooo MEEEEERRRRRRYYY DICKMAAAAAAASSS or whatever it is....I ain't gettin' paid to say it right, it's socially acceptable, eat me....

[If you listen, really listen, you can hear the traumatic memories the children fleeing from Santa's line are suppressing right at this moment. You'll find Badou, slightly bruised but none worse for wear in his Santa suit wedged with stuffing gaping out of the neckhole and sleeves because he's a skinny bastard, sitting with his booted feet thrown over the arm of Santa's elaborate chair and glaring daggers at the horrified Elves and various mothers making it their mission to get the hell out of his way]

Y'know, I didn't even hit the bastard that hard! He's a veteran, he could take more than a punch to that jolly gut! I even made it fair when I let him tie my arm up with his goddamn beard. Ya'll are lucky that lady cop was so hot and I'm so fuckin' nice.... [This is where you'll find him, if you want to find him, bitching at whoever is in armsreach. I really wouldn't blame whoever doesn't.]

HOOOHOOOHOOOO TELL SANTA WHAT YOU WANT YOU LITTLE SHITS! So I can tell you no. You don't need a fuckin' pony, what you need is braces.

Comments

[1ofyour5aday.livejournal.com]

Rack up karma? I don't think the Author cares too much about that..If she can find a way to screw with you, she will..

[notkinkypatch.livejournal.com]

CHRIIIIIIIIIIISTFUCK DON'T S-SAY IT LIKE THAT. Goddamn, if I wanted some divine intervention I'd have watched more of that special on t.v...walkin' on sunshine ain't got nothin' on all this. [At least she hasn't noticed or asked about the previous one armed Santa whose duty he has now] As long as I stay below the radar it don't matter none.

[1ofyour5aday.livejournal.com]

[She's just assuming he nicked the santa costume from somewhere and took the role because he got bored]

The more you try to stay under the radar, the more likely you are to get picked on; there's not a lot you can do to avoid her

[Troll face is a go]

[notkinkypatch.livejournal.com]

[God this isn't a damn sitcom, not everyone has time to do that, jeez! NO ONE is that bored! Except maybe the Joker or something. Plus who can pull that off, really? Badou would admit, quietly, even hes not that gifted]

God dammit...sounds like one of them grandmas you just can't avoid on the phone. Even on the answerin' machine. It's a trap, man. Fuck...[Pitiful face a-go, that's for sure, and some pouting]