[It felt like he did... as much as he tried to fight it he couldn't help feeling like he was some horrible abomination of a person, like there was something about him that just repulsed people and drove them away. It terrified him, but at the same time he knew it couldn't all be true. Ryuutaro said he loved him, he had the Vongola...
But he was the only Vongola here. And Ryuutaro could hardly touch him without some sort of twitch or shiver.
But he trusted Ryuutaro... so he couldn't be lying. He wouldn't do that. But after the past few weeks, convincing himself was just so hard. It would almost just be a relief to hear that Ryuutaro was repulsed by him, or that he had done something wrong. He knew how to handle that... it was the reaction he was used to getting out of people. Being hated was so much more familiar than being loved. He didn't understand how Ryuutaro could get so upset and drift away after something he said... and yet have it not be his fault.
Why did being loved have to be so hard?
At Ryuutaro's words he just nodded, trying to push back the sea of doubt the best he could. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to act, he could barely even try to grasp what he was supposed to think.]
Re: [in person]
But he was the only Vongola here. And Ryuutaro could hardly touch him without some sort of twitch or shiver.
But he trusted Ryuutaro... so he couldn't be lying. He wouldn't do that. But after the past few weeks, convincing himself was just so hard. It would almost just be a relief to hear that Ryuutaro was repulsed by him, or that he had done something wrong. He knew how to handle that... it was the reaction he was used to getting out of people. Being hated was so much more familiar than being loved. He didn't understand how Ryuutaro could get so upset and drift away after something he said... and yet have it not be his fault.
Why did being loved have to be so hard?
At Ryuutaro's words he just nodded, trying to push back the sea of doubt the best he could. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to act, he could barely even try to grasp what he was supposed to think.]