badfic_manor | [Video/Action] Arrival of the lazy tard

[Video/Action] Arrival of the lazy tard

[The video feed turns on but the screen is almost pitch black. There's an odd clicking sound, like someone is pressing on the communicator's keys. Or more like keysmashing. Lampo has it in his pocket, and is randomly pressing down on the buttons just because. He has accidentally turned on the camera.]

Nee...where am I...

[There's the sound of a door opening and closing. One would assume that Lampo has stepped outside. But then there's the sound of a bed creaking and the light inside of the pocket changing slightly. Lampo has decided to lay back down on the bed.]

Ore-sama isn't happy...Where is this place, mnyeh...

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[Pocket? Lampo reaches into his and takes out the device...

...takes one look at Badou's face on the screen and throws it to the floor, screaming.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

[Badou is torn between amusement and being a liiittle miffed over the reaction so he settles for snickering and rolling his eye] Damn, I know 'm fuckin' handsome but I've never gotten that reaction before...not too shabby, man.

Didja piss yourself? If ya did I can say all in a days work.

O-ore-sama didn't!

[He came close to it though. And now Lampo is tentatively crawling to the edge of his bed, looking over the edge of it at the strange, thin box with a snickering head.]

Wha--Why are you in there mnyeh?

Edited 2012-06-11 07:02 (UTC)

Suuuure ya didn't, an that stain is just wishful thinkin'. Or ass sweat. [Lampo's tentative peering is matched by a flat look from Badou. The hell is this kid....]

Get in where, smartass? My room? I used my two sexy legs. Maybe in your kooky world peeps have escalators to take em places but here, not so fuckin much. [Pause] Shit, sign me up in that case, then.

[What's an escalator..?]

O-ore-sama's pants are dry! You shouldn't talk to a lord like that, mnyeh.

[And now he's going to climb out of the bed...and hit the device (Badou's 'face') with his wok.]

[More snickering a-go! This is just too easy.] Lord of what, pissabyebaby? You look pretty scrawny to hold a badass title like that.

[Luckily (?? maybe) the strike at the screen elicited a startled squawk from Badou. Unfortunately all the blow did was probably shift the 'effects' option onto the screen. Have a scowl] If you break that thing don't come cryin' to me, brat. More'n your shitty allowance to replace it. [He was lying but whatever, cheap shots.]

Stop insulting meeeee.

[And since bashing it with his wok won't hurt (and someone told him before not to just zap things up with his Lighting because they might blow on his face), Lampo will just back away from it again and climb back on the bed. Out of sight. Maybe the the tiny man in the black box will leave him alone then.]

Stop makin' it so goddamn easy then, chriiiist. You've got spunk, I'll give ya that-
[Badou huffs as Lampo retreats and disappears from view, then scoffs.] The silent treatment ain't gonna work, Questionable Bootilicious Caller. I'm still here, y'know. Someone's gotta teach ya proper phone etiquette an it ain't gonna be me. Unless I'm paid.

[And because hiding on top of the bed apparently isn't enough, Lampo gets off it and hides behind it. On the floor on the opposite side from the Blackberry. It's a fort, yes.]

Stop talking weiiiird!

[Bootilicious? Phone?]

[Siiiiiiiiiigh] Yeah, hidin' under the bed like Freddie's after you is really gonna save your wet ass. You're a role model to shitty kids in horror movies everygoddamnwhere.

[On second thought...] You're the one that's talkin' weird! Check yourself before ya wreck yourself, kid.

[And Lampo's going put his head between his legs and cover his ears. Not that it'll do much in the way of blocking out Badou's voice but he can try.]

Ore-sama doesn't even know what you're talking about anymooore. Who's Freddie? How do I wreck myself? Shut up, mnyeeeeh.

[Welp Badou can hear the rustling and in the meantime, aside from amused and weary muttering, he lights a cigarette]

'm pretty sure you're already wrecked yourself, QB. If cowerin' on your bed over a video is any fuckin indication. Freddie? He's this motherfucker that-....no y'know what you don't need the heart attack from that explanation just yet.
[Someone has to be the mature one...and guess who it ain't]

HEY don't tell me what to do! You started it, pisser.

[Feel free to take drags off your cig as Lampo slooowly collects himself.]

Mou...why are you in that box?

[Don't mind if I do, not that any protests could have stopped Badou's happy little puffs coupled with the puzzled look he's aiming in the direction of Lampo's voice.]

What shitty box do you keep raggin' on about? This room could be better as a suite with some hookers an maybe a giant plate of enchiladas but-...[Maybe it finally clicks because his eyebrows raise to his hairline, the great detective is on the case]

Oooooh....you're on somethin' that makes you think the phone is talkin' to ya. I get it. Sounds like some swanky shit.

I don't see any phone, mnyeh...

Next you'll be tellin' me you dunno what a hooker is, then be as bad as Slim Jim with textin', only to suddenly realize you've got hands...
[Siiiiiiiiigh, kids these days- or...wait..those days? Don't tell him the kid-] The thing your frigid ass is hidin' from. A phone. A cell. Fer nudes an the like. Sometimes also calls.

I don't know what those are mnyeh. And that's not a phone, mnyeh.

[Slooowly elaborates in his most polite asshole voice] Alright then Smart Ass Mc'Piss A Lot, what do ya think a phone is. What is phone. How does phone formed. Pornograph an Phonograph don't count.

A phone's this big machine we use to talk to people in other villages, mnyeh. That's not a phone, mnyeh.

Pfff-pffft...Alrighty then, ten points fer participation an another five fer technicalities. As much as I hate pissin' on people's parades-...oh wait, I love it- here's the deets. [It's taking him a lot of effort not to laugh at the sheer LUCK of this situation. Like breaking wind during a forefather's infamous speech.] 'm afraid this really is a phone fer communication-y an nude details. Just way way way fuckin' advanced, after your time, gramps.

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[Video/Action] Arrival of the lazy tard

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