badfic_manor | Mello's Mary Sue, Private to Matt and L

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Mello's Mary Sue, Private to Matt and L

[She's in the med lab with a magnifying glass and a deer stalker cap. She's searching for evidence of course!]

Mail, L, we need to save Mello! We all know he was framed! He had to be! Now it's up to us to save him! Mail, I know we don't get along but we have to save him!! Please!!

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Well there's a reason I was chosen to be E~! So hurry up and come down here! We have to find some crucial evidence left behind by the real murderer!

Better leave it to you. An idiot like me would just get in the way.

Awww, Matt! You're not an idiot! You're still really smart, just Mello, Near, and I are all smarter!

Huh.

Not smart enough though to figure out you're not real.

[Freezes, stares at Matt]

What are you talking about?

You're Mello's best friend, yeah? So tell me something about when he was a kid. Anything.

Tell me when and where his first kiss was. 'Cause I happen to know you don't have a fuckin' clue.

I remember! But I wasn't there for it! He left Wammy's when he was 14 so it wasn't until after that!

[But she looks a bit concerned by this]

How do you know anyway!? He wouldn't tell you before he told me!

Tell you?

[He actually snickers a little at that.]

Sweetheart, I was there. And it was way before he left Wammy's.

[Yeah, they were young and innocent, but a first kiss is still a first kiss!]

Ew! You were watching! What's wrong with you?!

[Because Mels has eyes only for her, of course]

Yeah, this is why you're not Wammy's material.

Mello's first kiss was with me. He's gay, genius.

I AM WAMMY'S MATER–

[Wait...]

WHAT?!

[So that's why they share a room, and a bed, and do everything together. But that doesn't make sense! She's supposed to be Mels's one and only!]

You need a visual too?

Mello's first everything was with me. And his last will be too, so give it up the rose-colored glasses.

[A ghost of a smile traces her lips. Then she smirks proudly]

Don't be so sure, Mail, I'm here now so Mels might just change his mind and his team.

Yeah.

The only thing you can change is the sheets after we fuck on them.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!

Baby, you can watch. Doesn't matter to me.

I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you!? You twisted weirdo! Poor Mels! What did you do to him! How long have you done stuff to him? Thank God I'm hear to save him!

Let's see...

[He looks all thinky-thinky.]

About five years now. Yeah, we started kind of young, but he was leaving so it felt like one of those "now or never" moments, you know?

[Matt smirks.]

Guess not.

NO!!

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Mello's Mary Sue, Private to Matt and L

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