badfic_manor

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[Well here's one happy looking maid, apparently on break from her manor duties and the tending of queens and kings.]

Mister Sebastian!

[And she doesn't even stutter! This is a good sign.

The tiny little tuxedo that she's holding in her hands, complete with miniature white gloves? Not so good.]

I made this for ah--ah....Mr. Frog!

[Was that the daemon's name? She didn't quite catch it.]

"...Ahem."

I thought it would be more proper if--

"Ahem. Meirin."

[The video turns as she does, focusing on the bat, Sebastien. Who is currently modeling quite the precious little wedding gown. Complete with a veil that looks suspiciously like some lace doilies.]

"I know what you're thinking, Meirin. And the answer is no. I am not pretending to marry that amphibious--"

WAHHH!

[And with that startled cry, the video is terminated.]

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[What is he even looking at.

... How can he even begin to deal with this. It's so massively stupid, beyond even what he believed Meirin to be capable of.

He just gapes for several more seconds, before smiling very, VERY carefully.]

Meirin. May I ask. What materials you used for your... creative sewing project?

[Imagining miniature tuxedo and wedding dress-shaped holes in the parlour's drapery...]

[...Oh how she was hoping he wouldn't ask that. Meirin's face goes a little red and she's suddenly -very- interested in the twiddling of her fingers.]

Ahh...well I was washing the draperies in the parlor and I guess I used hot water for one load and cold for the other...

...

[One hand goes to his forehead. He doesn't even get headaches, yet Meirin consistently induces something in him that probably WOULD be a headache if he was human.]

And instead of coming to me for assistance, your solution was to cut it full of holes and turn it into doll's clothes?

[Oh Sebastian. Your disapproving only makes her even more flustered than usual.]

W-w-well I thought if I just shortened one so that they were the same length again...

And I had the excess material and...

I-I thought Mr. Frog....

[See that? She can't even finish a sentence.]

[Now it's worse. He's picturing the parlour drapery at a strange and unacceptable length, not to mention crooked from a botched sewing attempt.]

The frog is an amphibian. He does not need clothes. Neither does Mr. Sebastien, being a bat. And I'm rather unsure how you invented the idea for a wedding, but it indicates to me that perhaps I haven't been giving you enough to do.

... [Not that... she does things effectively when she does do them. He smiles again, far more dangerously.] Would you mind showing me what you've done with the drapery?

[So he can somehow figure out a way to fix it.]

Y-yes Mister Sebastian.

[And she will lead the way, somewhat fearing for her life the entire time.]

[He'll meet her outside the parlour in person, since his presence is more ~~intimidating~~ firm and directive that way.]

[Meirin doesn't waste any time, though when she catches a look at his expression, she...wishes she'd lingered a little.]

M-Mister Sebastian! I-I-I hope I didn't keep you w-waiting.

[She comes to a halt, eyes lowered and hands clasped together in front of her.]

Th-this way, Sir.

No, Meirin, you did not.

[He falls in step behind her, allowing her to lead the way.]

[She's nervous to have him behind her. Why is she nervous to have him behind her? Maybe because she can feel the phantom blade plunge into her back, fueled by the many months of her mistakes.

Ah, she's just being silly.

Finally they arrive at the parlor draperies, which seem a good six inches shorter than they used to be.]

[So her fear is a tad amusing. Unfortunately, she's safe from him. So long as the possibility remains that the young master will appear, Sebastian needs to keep any and all Phantomhive servants in top condition.

Lopping off the edges of drapery without using proper stitchwork is not top condition.]

Meirin, please do inform me the next time you feel the need to fix an error such as this. I will... [Wrap the draperies around her neck in a very fancy-looking noose and pull until her face is a bloated, purple, slobbery--] Assist you. [He smiles.]

Pardon me. [He slips past her and moves forward to take the drapes off their rods. Of course he can fix it, it goes without saying he can perform a task so simple as fixing mucked up drapery.]

Y-yes Mister Sebastian.

[As she watches him, her fear steadily turns to awe. Meirin starts inching closer and closer to observe.]

A-ah, may I ask you something?

Yes, Meirin, what is it?

[Sounds a bit distracted. Not even looking at her, too busy with taking down the curtains.]

W-well...

[She hesitates, twiddling her fingers together before she finally spits it out.]

Is there anything that you're not good at?

[He pauses and looks up at her. Congratulations, Meirin, you've got his attention now. After a moment, he folds the length of fabric over his arm and moves on to the second drapery.]

No. There is not.

[He pulls down the second drapery, back to her.]

The young master wishes for a perfect butler. And that is what I shall be, with every fibre of my being. Anything less would not befit the house of Phantomhive, don't you agree?

O-of course! Anything for the young master!

[Meirin is quick and genuine to agree with that. She goes back to being as quiet as a church mouse, merely observing and ready to aid him if need be.

Not that there will be any need for her help.

Sometimes, it's like he's not even human.

Behind her, Sebastien sneezes.]

[At least she's not fighting him on that point. Someone with a stronger will might insist no one is perfect. But he IS perfect, from what Meirin can see, anyway. And he'd like to keep it that way.

He ignores Sebastien and smiles at Meirin.] That will be all. I shall take it from here.

[Ichabod's eyes blink from the sudden cry and he tilts his head. He's not quite sure what to make what's going on other than this person that he hasn't met yet is really different from the help staff that he was used to back home.]

You are....quite the chipper on though a highly doubt that a bat and a frog would make a...um...welcoming couple.

Oh wow! That's incredible! You can make clothes? Even for animals? Say, do you think you could--

DON'T. EVEN. suggest it, Miria. I swear, if you--

Alright, okay. Geez...Spoil sport.

But that's still amazing, Meirin!

Y-you really think so?

[ She nods enthusiastically, giggling to herself at the thought of different animals in different clothes ]

A-ah, opposites attract?

In a way yes but physically? Uh, pardon my saying so but would the offspring be a little...odd?

[And no, he's not familiar with Charles Darwin's theories just yet since he was around AFTER his time and anything weird attracts him.]

The offspring?

[Pardon her simple little mind. She hasn't given any thought to anything beyond the wedding.]

Oh no! Sebestian and Mr. Frog are both boys?

[In the background, her daemon bat is trying desperately to rid himself of the tiny dress.]

[His brow lifts and Gunpowder is now laughing at Ichabod for his reaction and for sticking his foot in his mouth which he now has to try to figure out what to say next.]

You'll have to excuse my....other half. He's an idiot.

[Ichabod turns and faces Gunpowder with a hot and nasty glare.]

STOP CALLING ME THAT!

[Gunpowder shakes his head.]

The poor sap is in denial.

A-ah, please don't argue!

[Oh no! She's upset the guests! And right when Mister Sebastian is already so angry at her.]

[He whips his head around to regard Meirin and gives an uneasy expression.]

I'm sorry. I had no intention to upset you so.

[Gunpowder scoffs and clomps toward Ichabod.]

Liar.

[Ichabod is now in defiance.]

I am not listening to you, Gunpowder. You upset a lady and that behavior is unacceptable.

Oh no, Sir! I should be the one to apologize! I didn't mean--

[She pauses, and that little hint of red colors her cheeks.]

L-lady?

[Gunpowder snickers and clops back toward his side of the room and looks at Ichabod offscreen with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.]

You're incorrigible.

[Ichabod glanced over at Gunpowder and then back at the screen.]

Yes, you are a lady despite your occupation. I too am a servant in a different way thus I understand your position. Where you manage a house, I manage a city by keeping the peace the best I can.

[Gunpowder laughs indignantly.]

Ichabod is flirting?

[Ichabod's expression becomes tight lipped from embarrassment and to keep himself from losing his temper quickly, he forces a grin.]

Pay no mind to the lummox in the back. He enjoys embarrassing me.

[He...he manages a whole city? She can't even imagine! It's all Meirin can do to do the laundry properly.]

Ahh, it's alright. I'm used to embarrassment. [Though normally it's her own.]

[Ichabod was about to speak when Gunpowder pipes in.]

You're showing off.

[Ichabod turns to face Gunpowder when he tried so hard to ignore the huge draft horse and this time, he stands up and puts the feedbag over his head.]

Do be quiet.

[Gunpowder didn't have much of a choice now.]

That's better.

[He returns his attention to Meirin.]

Would you care to join me for lunch?

[Gunpowder snickered.]

And I will make certain that my Daemon will be on his best behavior.

"That's a rather rude thing to do."

[Though Sebastien can't say too much...Meirin put him in a dress, after all. Meirin perks at the mention of lunch.]

Of course! What would you like me to prepare?

[Maid instincts die hard.]

[He shakes his head with a small smile.]

No, no. I asked you to join me which means that we shall be preparing the meal together and we dine together.

[Gunpowder broke out into a fit of laughing that sounds like a cross between the whinny and a laugh. Ichabod glances over his shoulder at the horse with a narrowed gaze which made Gunpowder laugh even harder.]

T-together?

[Meirin ponders this nervously. But he's been nothing but polite to her so far. The wheels continue to turn a bit long for her Daemon's taste, however.]

"She would love to, young Sir."

[And then, in a whisper to the maid.]

"This is just the thing you need, Meirin!"

[Jachin is a raccoon (http://www.animalpicturegallery.net/animal-picture-raccoon-wen-flickr-animalpicture.jpg) at the moment, both of them are hanging out in a tree in the garden, Ed was reclining but sits bolt upright when she speaks, so violently Ed might have been having a seizure when she speaks]

Wedding! Wedding! Wedding!! Can Edward come!? Edward has never been to a wedding before!!

Edward and Jachin will come!! They can be the Flower Edward and the Flower Jachin!!

Yes, please let us!

[Well now! Maybe this idea wasn't as bad as she was starting to think!]

Y-yes, of course! It's too bad Bard isn't here to make the cake...

[Ed cheers and doesn't hear most of Meirin's second sentence. But there is ONE word she heard. Ed freezes up for a moment, her arms still at strange angles over her head nothing moving but her eyelids as she blinks several times then she pounces on the camera, a huuuuuge smile on her face and a certain fire behind her golden eyes]

CAKE?!

Ah, I take it that you like cake?

[Maybe she should try her hand at it...you know, to keep the guests happy and all that.]

Yup-yup! Ed-Ed loves-loves cake-cake!!! Is Meirin going to make cake?

[Ed looks at her expectantly, however as usual she is fidgeting her limbs moving as if they have minds of their own]

Meirin should make cake.

Of course! If you want cake, then it's my duty to make it for you!

What kind of cake would the young mister like?

What kiiiind?

[Ed looks confused and delighted that she gets to pick. She claps her hands and does a wiggling sort of dance around the blackberry for a few minutes and then she begins to rattle off what kind of cake she wants]

Edward and Jachin waaaannts chocolate! Chocolate upside down cake! Or strawberry right side up cake! Or something with caramel and sprinkles! Or a fifty pound cheese cake!!! Or a coconut cake with real coconuts on top! Or maybe a carrot cake? Or a crumbling-rumbly-tumbly cake!!! Or a chocolate pie with almonds or almonds and cheese or cheese and blueberries or blueberries and strawberries. Something with pumpkin and chocolate and walnuts and peanuts and Brazil nuts and chestnuts and chestnuts look like hedgehogs and hedgehogs are funny and they can roll up into little balls like this

[Ed is now curled up and begins to roll around the floor. Jachin is, of course, a hedgehog (http://www.astro.virginia.edu/~kw6k/picture/hedgehog/hedgehog%20015.jpg).]

Edited 2010-06-29 23:02 (UTC)

[...Meirin is dumbstruck. Sebastian would probably love to know Ed's secret. But it's only temporary.]

Sounds complicated...

But I'll do my best, Sir!

YAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

[Ed throws her hands up and leaps to her feet. Then she does a spinning sort of dance]

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Pffft! Poor Meirin