badfic_manor | 40th Blast || Mello || [In Person]

[Another city, another church. Mello is in St. Patrick's Cathedral, one of the cities oldest and largest Catholic churches. On first entering the church you won't see him, he's in the confessional. No one can hear his hushed voice, not even the faceless Priest who is meant to can. But Mello isn't really concerned about that right now.]

Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been five months since my last--

Who am I kidding? Father, I know you're not really a priest, you're not even really a human being. You're not even actually listening to this, I don't think you can. But it doesn't matter because I know who is listening, even if He has to look in over the Author's shoulder to do it. So don't bother with any phony words or the pieces of prayers you saw in The Exorcist or whatever. I don't need to hear it. I don't need to know what the Author or her puppets think. I just want to be heard.

[He sighs and pauses. The pause extends into seconds, then minutes, nearly three have passed before he speaks]

I should have died once already.

[A scoff]

There are a dozen times I can think of off the top of my head, but, I'm talking about...

[Another pause while Mello runs his fingers over the scar on the left side of his face, the bare tips feeling the jagged flesh of his cheek but his cheek feeling nothing.]

That explosive should have killed me, it should have killed everyone in that building. I built the thing, I know how it should have gone. I was standing well within the blast radius, there was absolutely no way I should have survived. But I did. I wasn't even hurt that badly, sure it messed up my pretty face

[he says this with a voice laced with irony]

but I made it without even going to a hospital. I knew then that there was a reason I survived. I understood what He wanted from me. If I lived it was because I had some role to fill, some job to do. I had a reason to be alive. And I thought I knew what that reason was. I was supposed to kill Kira. I was supposed to topple the false god. I was supposed to restore justice. And even when...even when I thought I'd lost everything there was still that promise. Kira would topple, Kira would die, justice and balance would be restored.

I thought I understood it, I thought I knew what He wanted from me. But now...I'm not so sure anymore. I've been able to ignore it for a while, the whole idea that I'm here in this chick's dream world without any rules or really anything to hold on to. But then B showed up...and now Kira. Kira is here! But there's nothing I can do. If I kill him here he'll come back and even if he dies the most horrible death I can concoct he'll still come back and Yagami'll probably think he's on par with the Almighty for it.

I can't stand seeing him, father. It makes my blood boil, but what the Hell am I supposed to do?! There's no escape, there's no reprise, there's no finality, there's not even a way to disrupt the status qua! I'm just...I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do and I'm out of ideas.

God, please, what do I do? I know I'm probably the last guy on your list right now but I just...I need...help.

[Then as if he hears someone outside Mello curses softly, and squeezes out of the Confessional. He sneaks back into the central nave. He peers around, searching for who came in and if they heard him.]

((OOC: Odds are no one heard his confession but feel free to bump into him in the church or nearby))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Dammit, now he feels guilty]

Tom! Hang on.

[He sighs]

I'll apologize. I'm being a bitch because that week is something I'd rather forget.

[No. He's being a bitch because he's Mello. And no, he doesn't think he should have to apologize the beautiful hypocrite that he is, but he wants all the cops he can on his side. No need to split the goodies into groups.]

[He stops and turns to face Mello and nods. Even he hated being separated from his team and now that he's got to find his own way here, it was better to make allies than splitting people apart. He nods and accepts Mello's offer and holds out his hand.]

Okay. I don't think that week was good for anyone. Listen, I'm sorry I blew up back there. I'm frustrated too. So let's call it a truce and move on. I'm not going to press this matter any further. It's done and over with and according to you, that supposedly happened years ago but in reality last week was a big mind fuck.

Do it this once and the whole thing'll be forgotten.

[Mello accepts it and shakes Tom's hand in his leather gloved one. He nods at the offer of a truce]

The kid I was back then is someone I'd rather forget about.

[Not that he can, more someone he won't talk about but digs at his mind constantly.]

You know where he is now? Soma, I mean.

No, I don't. If I see him, I'll let him know you're looking for him. Hey, I know what it's like to want to forget something from the past. I've been trying to do that since I was sixteen.

[He pats Mello on the arm and nods.]

If you want, I can deliver the apology and maybe he'll accept it from me. It's up to you.

[Sounds good, it's one less retarded thing Mello has to do. He doesn't think he needs to apologize to Soma, he thinks this is BS, but Mello is very good at bullshitting. The more allies the better.]

Sure, thanks.

[He gave a quick, uneasy grin that something wasn't up to par but Tom gave his word that he'll do it even if the other party doesn't exactly mean it or that the other would accept it. Diplomacy was something that he learned early on.]

Yeah.

[He taps the brim of his cover to the bend of his thumb and turns to walk away. He hated being played and that's how he feels at this moment.]