badfic_manor | 29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

He's fine, I promise you, he's fine.

[She hadn't seen him, but if Gokudera was alive again, then if this Ryuutaro got killed, he'd be alive too.

Seeing that he didn't brush her hand off, she inched closer, making sure that she wasn't close enough to be imposing.]

I could try to find him for you later...if that's what you want.

[Again, he does acknowledge her getting closer, so long as she didn't make a move for his stomach.]

D-did you see him though?

[He actually turns to look at Mary, seeming a bit more aware of his surroundings. He sniffs again and looks back down to clumsily start trying to wipe his eyes dry, though the blood on his hands and arm just stung his eyes and got smudged all over his face.]

He stayed with me the whole time...

I did...he's just fine. A bit sad about you, but they didn't get him.

[He could be talking about that boy that was on the comms. She didn't remember much from that week, but she could faintly remember a boy crying over someone...it seemed to fit well enough. What was the name that he said? H-something...it was foreign, she knew that much. Hi...Hayato? That sounded about right.]

Your name is Hayato, right?

[He nodded weakly]

It's my first name... i-it's what Ryuutaro calls me...

[He never told her his first name, and only Ryuutaro called him Hayato... so it had to be him... he was alright. Even through his tears a weak smile forms.]

S-so he is alright... [And another little sob...though that weak smile remains as he tries to wipe the new tears from his eyes again] S-so I didn't fail him completely... I still protected him... th-thank god...

[Good, she had something right at least.]

Of course you didn't fail him, I'm sure that you did everything you could.

[Petting his hair, she smiled as he stayed calm. She had no doubt that sooner or later he'd be back to his lovable self, but until then, she'd enjoy his even temperament.]

After you get some rest and something to eat, we can try to find him. Okay?

[Hayato nodded and sniffed a bit, slowly uncurling himself and sat more normally. His demeanor is still meek and more childlike than usual]

'Kay.... I gotta find him... I... he was... I hurt him real bad because I died... I gotta let him know I'm okay...

Edited 2011-10-29 04:19 (UTC)

No. You have to rest and let yourself heal...you won't do him any good if you push yourself and hurt yourself worse.

I'll try to let him know you're okay, or you can do it yourself later.

[She wasn't budging on that. The way the boy was acting only spoke the truth, he needed to relax and get back to normal. Meeting his fiend like this would only scare the other.]

[Hayato looks himself over and lets out a little whine, squirming a little uncomfortably. Clearly he didn't like her ruling, but could see her reasoning behind it. He bit his lip then looked up at Mary]

Please let him know for me? He's.... he's...

[A little blush makes it's way onto his cheeks, and his fidgeting continues]

He's real special to me and I don't want him to cry like that again...

[His bashful attitude caused her to smile a bit. He was almost acting like she had...when...John...waaaaait a minute.]

Are you two...involved?

[Not that there was anything wrong with it, on the contrary. She appreciated love in almost all of it's forms. She wasn't her father, she wouldn't deny anyone love.]

[He looked up at her meekly then back down at his hands, his cheeks turning a darker shade of red. He was still awkward and uncomfortable about his sexuality... the world had rejected him for the way he was already, he felt as though it were just one more thing to make people hate him. But even so, if this woman would hate him for it, he might as well get it out in the open. It's what Ryuutaro would want... he always seemed so proud about it...]

Him and I are... We're a...He's my boyfriend....

[and he averts his eyes to the ground shyly]

[Bringing her hand under his chin, she lifted his head slowly.]

There's no reason to be ashamed. I'm happy for the two of you...you should always take love where you can find it; especially in a place like this.

[Really, it was a relief to see that even in all the torture this place put them through, some people could still find love and understanding. It was a special thing...and something that some of them would die for. She loved her boys but...she still got lonely at times; not that she was looking to sleep around, on the contrary. She just wanted to find someone to spend time with socially.]

I'd like to meet him sometime if you'll let me.

[He looked up at her, confused by the movement. Then his eyes widened. No one... no one had told him it was okay. No one had told him it way okay to be...

He hadn't thought of this yet. Their getting together had been so fumbly and awkward he hadn't thought about love yet. Heck, it had been over a month and they had only kissed once. He just kept staring for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Was he really in love with Ryuutaro? The more he thought about it the more the answers became clearer. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of him, he trusted the younger boy, he liked spending time with him... and no matter how many times he became afraid and pushed Ryuutaro away... he had always come back. He was in love. He, who had grown up without any sort of honest love after his mother's death, was in love. It scared him.

Gokudera's eyes start to well up, and he tightens his jaw to try and keep the tears from flowing again. He was so weak right now. So weak and pathetic, and despite his best efforts the tears fell regardless. But they weren't tears from the pain, or the fear, or self-loathing...

It was because he was in love with a boy and it was okay.]

I-I do love him... I... I really do...

[He could never admit this to Ryuutaro yet. Telling Ryuutaro would be like giving him permission to hurt him, just like his father and sister had. He couldn't give him that power yet. Ryuutaro could destroy him with that power, and he wouldn't be able to handle that kind of betrayal again.

He pulled back from Mary again, but this time just to wipe his eyes. He hated looking so weak... but he just felt so small and vulnerable right now, and the tears just came so quickly.]

K-kay...

[She could read that reaction so well. It was the same face she had when her friend had told her that it was okay that she was in love...when she was given something that everyone else refused to give her.

Letting her hands fall away, she just smiled sadly at the boy. He seemed so confused, so...lost. Standing from the bed, she decided to give him a short time to himself. Not enough time for him to run away, just...enough time to get his thoughts in order and his composure.]

Stay here, I'll be right bag. Okay? I'll just...be right back. If you need me, feel free to call and I'll run back.

[Moving from the room, she quickly ran down to the kitchen and got a tray. He needed to eat to get his strength back...perhaps a few pain killers. She still had a few left over from when her wrist was fractured, he could take one of those.

Cooking the rice and tomato soup on the stove, she set about preparing everything else for him. Had she the time, she could make things a little fancier or at least slow her pace, she didn't want to leave him alone for long though.

Setting a glass of juice of the tray, she gathered a bowl and poured the tomato soup in, adding a few scoops of rice and stirring. She wasn't sure that he'd like it, but Dean always seemed to love it, and she did as well. If he didn't like it..well, she'd make him something else.

Gathering the tray, she left the dishes and leftovers for the next person to come to the kitchen. Carefully opening her door, she stepped inside with a grin, tray presented like an offering.]

I don't suppose you're hungry?

[Hayato had gone back to that curled up position as he tried to gather his thoughts together again. It was all just so much to take in. On the one hand there was this little flutter of his heart after finally coming to terms with his feelings. On the other hand he kept running his death through his head over and over again. The pain, the fear, the blood. Everything was just so jumbled.

So while she was cooking, Hayato just took out his blackberry from his jeans pocket and tried to contact Ryuutaro, and when his boyfriend didn't answer he tried to call his boss. Neither of whom picked up.

When Mary came back with the food he just stared a bit vacantly, it took him a moment to take in the question. He... didn't know if he was hungry, but he sure as hell knew if he ate anything he'd just throw it back up after... but maybe it would get his mind off everything, so he simply nodded a little]

[Pleased at his nod, she moved further into the room and set the tray on the bed in front of him.]

That's a start.

It's tomato and rice soup...I always made it for Dean when he was sick or didn't feel good. I know it's not fancy...but it'll make you feel better and it'll be easy on your stomach.

[that was the most important thing. She had no doubts that he'd be sick to his stomach, at least if it came back up, it would be easy on him. Heavens knew that he needed something to be easy for him.]

If you don't like it, I wouldn't mind making you something else, just...give it a chance.

[He takes a spoon and starts swirling it in the soup, trying to rouse his appetite. His face had once again fallen back into that vacant stare]

I've eaten out of trashcans before... I'm not real picky with food.

[And in almost a habitual fashion he just started sifting through the soup with his spoon, checking to see if there was anything in it. Then he brought a spoonful to his nose to smell, completely oblivious to how rude this habit might come across. He couldn't take a bite yet either. So he puts the spoonful down and starts to stir his food again]

[This was seriously the saddest thing that she'd ever heard and seen. Frowning as he put the spoon back down, she moved back to sit in another chair, thinking that perhaps it was because of her.]

You don't have to do that anymore. I promise...as long as you're here, no more trashcans.

And...I wouldn't poison you.

[It hurt that he seemed to be checking to make sure she wasn't trying to kill him. She knew where he was coming though. You don't just take food from people that you feel threatened by.]

[He shrugged]

I know. I can hold down a job now. I got money.

[He glanced up at her then back down at the food somewhat guiltily. Right. He forgot not everyone grew up fearing that their sister had gotten hold of it before he did.]

It's just a habit...

[He took a deep breath and tried again, bringing it up to his mouth, only to have the smell make a wave of nausea wash over him]

...I can kind of understand. I don't always check my food like that, but I know why you do it.

[Okay, not completely, but it was enough. She could still feel bad for him. Straightening her back as she saw what looked like an expression of nausea cross his face, she fidgeted with her shirt, wanting so badly to hold him.]

Do you want some ginger tea? Or...some lemon perhaps? It'll settle your stomach if you're feeling sick.

[When you had a family and friends that bitched about medicine, you found other ways to cure little thinks like sickness.]

[He let out a half-hearted scoff, but his expression remains rather numb. he didn't care whether she knew or not, but he wasn't going to let her go around thinking she knew why he did what he did]

No you don't.

[He began stirring the soup, only now it was a more bashful and awkward gesture than before]

I-I'll just throw it up... I always do...

[Smirking faintly, she just shook her head.]

You don't have to eat it, it won't hurt my feelings.

[She'd just make sure that he ate something later. The boy had to eat, she knew that much.She just wished that she could do more for him.]

I can try to understand. If you want to tell me about it, I'll listen.

...

[He... didn't really want to tell her, but she made him food... and he was too messed up to eat it. He felt like he owed her something for the effort, so hopefully the most basic explanation will do...]

My sister used me as a guinea pig for her cooking experiments... she... can't cook normal food.

Your sister?

What do you mean she can't cook normal food? What did she make?

[He almost made it sound like she mad something not fit for humans to eat. But surely his own sister wouldn't do that to him...]

Well... the first time she cooked for me, she made cookies before my first piano concert... but she messed it up, and it got poisoned. I got real dizzy and couldn't play the piece right, but everyone thought it was 'modern' and 'new'....

[He let out an exasperated sigh.]

so my dad had her make the cookies before every performance... eventually she started experimenting with her poisoned cooking... and I was her guinnea pig. It got so bad that I got this psychosomatic reaction to her face. When ever I see it, my stomach just acts up on it's own and I get sick and pass out...

[Gasping softly, her hand tightened in her skirt. That was deplorable...how anyone could treat a child like that she'd never understand. He could have died so many times...no wonder he doesn't eat food someone else cooks.

And now she felt a little bad about everything that had happened between them. It also meant that she should tell Dean to go a little easier on the kid. After everything he's gone through, he didn't need anyone giving him any unnecessary grief.]

You don't need to worry about that anymore. I promise...and if anyone tries to poison you again, I'll deal with them myself.

(no subject)

andsuddenlydynamite - 2011-11-10 02:13 (UTC) - Expand