badfic_manor | 29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

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29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

[After letting a rather distinctive scream from the morgue of the manor, Hayato had hastily scrambled up to the main floor. Shakily, he wandered through the halls, completely disoriented and very jumpy. He had his hands defensively wrapped around his stomach which is slathered in dried blood, as are his pants, and right shoulder.

After stumbling about the halls for a while he simply leans against the wall and slides down it into a sitting position as he tried to wrap his head around what happened...]

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It's all his fault...before him, you didn't die. You didn't leave me...

[Falling to her knees, she leaned against the wall. She knew what Gaara would say. He'd call her weak. She let herself get attached to someone, and now look what happened. She broke her window and couldn't even keep him with her, he still wanted to leave her, just like everyone else.]

If I'm your best friend, why do you want to go back to him? Stay with me...don't leave me. You can take my bed, I don't mind...I just...I can't see you die again...

What can he do for you that I can't? I'll protect you, I'll take care of you...please...forget about him...please...

[She couldn't see the appeal of being with that weakling, he was a hazard to everyone around him, he didn't deserve Gokudera. No one did. No one could protect him like she could.]

... why would you think I'm gonna leave? You're my best friend... I could never leave you, it doesn't matter who I'm in love with...

[He reached his hand out to hers, he wanted to get closer to her, but he was too weak to do so on his own.

Nothing's changed... you're still like the sister I never got to have...

[He looked up at her. He hurt her. He hurt her because he was... well the way he was. He felt so ashamed and disgusted with himself. If Ryuutaro knew how he was feeling he would... well he already hated him anyway. What difference would it make now? He had hurt the two of the most important people he knew... and if the Tenth found out... he couldn't even bring to think about that possibility. He couldn't think about being thrown away AGAIN. Of course that could be the only outcome after telling the Tenth everything. If Ryuutaro had thrown him away for dying, and Temari was reacting like this about his sexuality... what chance did he have with the Vongola?]

I-I'm sorry that I'm... I'm... [He couldn't even say it he was so ashamed] p-please don't hate me too...

[He turned his head so that he was looking away. He didn't want her to have to see just how pathetic he looked]

I-I won't leave... not until you throw me away too... I... I don't have anywhere else t-to go now...

Don't apologize. There's nothing wrong with you...

[Moving closer, she gripped his hand tightly. She didn't want to let him go, but...she wanted him to be happy. He'd already been through so much, she knew what his family life had been like...she couldn't let him be hurt again though...

But...wasn't she the one hurting him now?

Wrapping her free arm around him, she took a deep breath as she laid her head against his shoulder. She was fighting with herself, she knew she had a decision to make. If he knew that she lied to him, he'd hate her. No matter what her reasoning was, he'd hate her.]

I'm...I'm sorry, Gokudera.

I'd never throw you away...and...

[Tightening her grip, she knew what she had to do. She just...didn't want to. He said he wouldn't leave her though, he promised.]

...He didn't either...

[Hayato didn't respond for the first few moments. He didn't believe her. There had to be something bad about him. Why else would people hurt him so much? Why else would nobody want him? Though he was completely comfortable as she lay on him. Though her last words snapped him from his thoughts. He turned his head to Temari and looked up at her confused. What did she mean 'he didn't either'? She said he did...]

W-what do you mean?

[Pulling back, she focused on her carpet; the green fibers suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. She didn't want to answer him, but...he'd ask her forever until she told him. If she didn't tell him...she'd be no better than the people that made him like his is, the people that he detests.

Tugging on a few pieces, she didn't look at him. She couldn't bear to see his expression.]

I...I didn't tell him...

[and for a moment he just stared.... trying to register what those words meant... he almost couldn't believe them...]

[Once it finally registered he bit his lip and looked down, letting his bangs obscure his face for a moment. His shoulders began to tremble and then...]

[He flung his arms around Temari letting out some choked noise that was a cross between laughing and crying.]

H-he doesn't hate me! H-he didn't th-throw m-m-me away!

[And the odd mixture of laughing and sobbing continued. He couldn't bring himself to be angry at Temari at the moment. He was just too relieved. He felt so much lighter, almost happy. Even the memories of his death had momentarily faded into the background while he was just absolute relief washed over him.]

I-I'm not... c-completely worthless...

Edited 2011-11-08 20:30 (UTC)

[She didn't expect that reaction. Wrapping her arms around him, she wished that she could be as happy as he was. She couldn't though, not when she knew that he'd be leaving her to go and find Ryuutaro as soon as he could move properly.

And she wasn't like her family, she wouldn't cripple him to keep him with her. He'd never be happy that way.]

You were never worthless, not to me.

[It took a few more minutes for him to calm down. He let his hands fall and just leaned against her, too tired to move anymore. Heck, he was even starting to nod off a little bit. He didn't pay much heed to the statement about him not being worthless. He never did. People didn't know. While Temari knew more about him than most people, she still didn't know everything. There were even a lot of things he hadn't told Ryuutaro before... but at least for the time being he was still useful enough not to be thrown away.

That isn't to say the damage hadn't been done. While for the moment he was too relieved for his self-doubts to start crawling through his head again, they would return, as well as a bit of wariness of Temari's words in the future... but for now, everything was okay.]

I-I'm s-so glad...

[Staying where she was, she just wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She wasn't moving, wasn't going to let him leave her just yet. They'd stay here and be happy while it lasted, he'd see that he didn't need that weakling.]

I'm sorry...I just wanted to protect you.

[Letting him relax a little longer, she soon moved to put an arm under his legs and lifted him from the floor almost effortlessly. He'd stay with her tonight, he wasn't going to leave her sight.

Moving him to the bed, she tucked him in before sitting on the edge of her bed.]

Think about what I said...you can stay here. With me. You'll never feel unwanted again, I promise you...

[He started to reply to her apology, however it only comes out as a barely audible mumble as he completely falls asleep. And a good thing to otherwise he might have had a thing to say about being carried to bed like he was a bride.

But at least, if anything, he could get a little sleep before the gravity of his situation completely hit him and the nightmares came...]

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29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

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