badfic_manor | Fate 28 -◘[Video/In Person]◘-

[And now Ryuutaro carefully looked Hayato over. It was the first time he saw hi boyfriend in a kimono properly and he was positively surprised. It did look odd, but not nearly as odd as he expected it to and he actually liked it.
At the question he opened his fan]

We're headed for a shrine or temple to pray for a good new year. I prefer shrines to temples and smaller ones to the crowded ones, so it will be a bit of a walk.

[Thankfully as awkward and unused to kimonos as he was, he didn't look entirely unnatural. Splashes of read on a dull silver pattern worked well for him. It brought out the more Asian features of his face, by taking attention away from his silver hair. It was nothing gaudy, but very high quality and well-suited for him.

Which probably makes things pretty clear that he did not, in fact, pick this kimono out himself.

He takes Ryuutaro's hand, and laces their fingers together as he prepares to follow his boyfriend to the shrine]

I don't mind! I like a work out!

[Ryuutaro gladly closed his fingers around Hayato's, beginning to walk. Around them, lots of NPCs in kimono made their way to the individual shrines as well.
Ryuutaro took a deep breath and smiled happily]

Spending today in this city feels really nice...

[Even if Ryuutaro paid no attention to the fact that today was his birthday, nobody could say he didn't enjoy the day. He had this kid-in-a-candy-shop expression on his face to go along with the dreamy-happy voice...]

[Hayato could see how happy Ryuutaro was, and it felt nice. He deserved this. Especially after everything that he had gone through for Hayato's sake. He would make this day as great as he possibly could... but there's no telling what tomorrow would bring]

I wish there was some way I could make every day as good as this one for you...

[He reached his free hand over to tuck part of Ryuutaro's bangs away behind his ear, so he could see more of his boyfriends face]

You don't smile like this enough.

[Ryuuataro blinked and looked up at Hayato confusedly for a moment. He hadn't been aware he acted differently, but thinking about it, it made sense. He was just really happy.
He smiled again]/small>

Don't I? I wasn't aware.

[Hayato nodded and brought a hand to give Ryuutaro's exposed cheek a shy little stroke]

Before Christmas... you always looked so... [His face contorts and he scratches his hair, messing it up a little, as he thinks about how to explain it. Verbalizing feeling was damn near impossible for him... but he would try]

I dunno, I-I'm not good at this sorta things but I guess it just felt like you were always sad.

[He couldn't really say how he 'felt' Ryuutaro was sad, but it was just something that he knew. It was a rather simple and childish way to explain it as well, but he just couldn't find the right words to describe what it felt like.]

I guess that's kinda my fault... s-sorry... [Ryuutaro had felt so fragile the past few months, like he could have simply shattered at any moment. Hayato had been so afraid that his... he didn't even know what to call it, a funk? His aftershock from death? Well, regardless of what it was, he was afraid it would break Ryuutaro if he kept it up. Which is why he pushed himself so hard to get back on his feet again as fast as he could... maybe a little too fast sometimes. But this wasn't something he should even be bringing up! This was Ryuutaro's birthday! How could he be such a moron?!] Ah, sorry! I'm an idiot, I-I shouldn't be bringin' that up! It's just- Ryuutaro I...

[He breaks his hold on Ryuutaro's hand and stands in front of him, placing his hands on either side of Ryuutaro's face to make sure he was the only one Ryuutaro could focus on for the moment. This was important.]

I want to make you happy... b-b-because I... I...

[And again he couldn't say it. What it was unrequited? What if Ryuutaro didn't want to accept feelings?! Hayato could ruin the whole day- more than he already had by bringing everything from the past few months up. What if he messed up Ryuutaro's birthday?! In a desperate attempt to try and distract from his failed profession, he rather abruptly presses his face into Ryuutaro's in a firm kiss.]

[And as Hayato talked, Ryuutaro knew he was right. He had been pushing it aside himself, but he'd been constantly tortured by tension and fear. Everything had seemed more fragile then ever and he did not even know how to deal with closeness-situations in first place... He'd been really scared, irrationally so, but compensated with pulling himself together. He'd felt as if he was walking right on the border or a cliff, but he'd close his eyes and kept walking straight on.
It was good to finally have gotten away from that cliff.

But of course, Hayato would go blaming himself. It was not his fault that he died. It was not his fault, that it had hurt.
It was odd. Ryuutaro usually would blame things on people around him, not out loud, but silently and to himself and it made life easier. But everytime Hayato said it, he knew Hayato was wrong and felt the need to tell him right away.
But for this situation... He had never blamed really Hayato, well, not since he returned from the death. Before he had been just so angry... Solely because beign angry kept the pieces of his heart together.

For this situation he had blamed fate and fate only, which was in a way the even more teriffying feeling. A feeling he had not really gotten over, just stopped thinking about. Occassionally he would hear himself speaking about fate just so lightly and then it would hurt horribly, but that was life... Fate was fate, he'd always relied on it. Now this piece of safety had turned slightly bitter and he could not bring himself to fully figure out what he even wanted to do about it.]

[And then Hayato just stared this intently at him and he stared right back, holding his breath for a second without even realizing it.
He could practically feel what Hayato was going to say and didn't. That was right... They had never said that.
He hadn't even thought about it, how could he have not? Well, they really did things all the other way around then they were supposed to and this fit right in.
Ryuutaro was extremely tempted to call himself silly, but he didn't. Even in his head, there was this enormous pride which always came first.
Hayato loved him. And actually, he had known all along, even if he had never worded it, even silently.
It was only natural, how could he not love him after all. But this was more than just that.
Because this time for once, he would not watch admiration from afar, like it was from a different world - even if in a way it was from a different world. They were a couple, they had been together for 3 months. He was involved, he was supposed to give something back.
And surprisingly enough, it did not even feel that hard at all. He had already given Hayato his everything over and over. All he had, all there was to him, had already been placed in Hayato's hands so many times, he forgot to count.
It had started with such small things. His attention, his company, his friendship, his honest laughter. And it had just kept getting bigger and bigger, without Ryuutaro allowing it to, without Ryuutaro's noticing and without any possibility to put a stop to it.
His trust. First bits of it and then the entirety of the trust he had to give. Hayato had heard of his past, he knew about the things he was ashamed for. He'd seen him without make-up and Ryuutaro had allowed him to. This might seem like such a minor thing, but to Ryuutaro it wasn't. His self-confidence relied on how he presented himself, a perfect porclean item, not a real boy with flaws.
And Ryuutaro had started caring for feelings that were not his own. He'd wanted to protect, fight for something and had this desperate wish of not losing what they had. The last time he had fought this deperately had been when he fought Ginga. But that had been for his own life. Back then he didn't want to let go, he had been scared, all for his own sake.
But suddenly it wasn't like that anymore. Rarely, but at time, he'd put his own priorities under those of Hayato.
He'd willingly accepted pain, just to keep Hayato close. It was more then he had ever planned to allow people. He was his own top priority, he came first, because he was perfect... mostly, at least.
Hayato was far from perfect, but in a way, he really didn't mind.
It would almost be more comforting, if that had just been, because he could shine in comparision to Hayato, but that wasn't it.

Ryuutaro had come to terms with all of this a while ago. While his brain had continued to act up, his mind sooner or later calmed down. And Ryuutaro hated being in a fight with himself, so he just let the issue go and let himself dive into whatever fate... or maybe just he himself... had planned for him.

So at this point, it wasn't even hard. Just surprising.

They were doing things all the wrong way around and it was beautiful just like that.]

[Ryuutaro could easily admitt to himself, that he was in love with Hayato Gokudera. Because if he had done all these things for any other reasons, that would have been silly.
He felt like laughing, but he couldn't, because Hayato had his mouth in control for the time being.
Not that he would have complaints. He was fine with this. Because knowing something was one thing, saying it was another. He knew, Hayato needed to hear that, but he was a perfectionist when it came to himself. A love confession had to be perfect as well. ~~A love confession to your boyfriend, at that.~~

So for the time being, he raised his hands to place them on Hayato's arms and back, letting the kiss last for a moment, before breaking apart to smile]

I know. And I believe I already told you that you are doing really good at it.

[When he pulled back and saw that smile and heard those words he just suddenly felt so much lighter. Even if he was still too much of a coward to profess his feelings, he made Ryuutaro smile. He took Ryuutaro's hand again, lacing their fingers together. Something felt a little different now... he couldn't place what it was exactly... but he liked it.]

We should get to the shrine then! I got a surprise for you later! I bet you'll like that too!

Edited 2012-01-05 19:33 (UTC)

[And just like that the prior bit of tension seemed to have resolved. Ryuutaro kept smiling as they started walking again. Now there was silence until they actually reached Ryuutaro's pefered shrine and that was alright. When it was in sight, he spoke up again, poiting forward (silently ignoring that he looked a bit too much like he was enjoying himself to be fully elegant anymore)]

We are almost there, you can already see it!

[Hayato laughed and gave Ryuutaro's hand a tug so that they could pick up the pace. If being at the shrine would make Ryuutaro that happy, then they should hurry up! Of course this meant that there was more clumsy stumbling on Hayato's part, but they made it all the same. Hayato's cheeks rosy from the cool air, but felt hot from the run. His heart was racing, and for once he felt as though there was nothing in the world that could possibly go wrong right now. As they walk up the last of the stairs to the shrine Gokudera looks at Ryuutaro expectantly, he wanted to see how happy he would look.]

We're here...

[Ryuutaro was a bit startled at the sudden change of speed, but then he decided that just going along with it was fine - for today. His own cheeks were in the same state as Hayato's and he was still smiling. It did not seem like he'd stop anytime soon or have it turn into the sort of smile he'd need to pay attention to again.]

I think I didn't tell you specifically yet... Happy New Year, Hayato.

[Because this is forever more important then his birthday. But this way Hayato could at least get to enjoy his genuine affectionate tone]

[Gokudera just beamed right back at him, taking in that beautiful smile, that affectionate tone. He never really cared much about the New year before... but now it just felt special.]

Happy New Year! And Happy Birthday!

[And he gives Ryuutaro a quick peck on the cheek]

[Perfect way of starting the new year. Ryuutaro remembered New Years Day with his family and alone, both, but right nor none of those could compare. Maybe being alone had been calmer, more mystical... But this was magical enough for him right now.]

Thank you again.

Then... I should make my prayer now.

[He gives Hayato a short questioning look. He was not sure if his boyfriend would want to do the same. Ryuutaro himself was not overly religious, but this was part of how it had to be for him.]

[He nodded and very reluctantly let go of Ryuutaro's hand. While he knew how the holiday worked, praying was just something he couldn't bring himself to do. He lost all sense of "faith" back on the streets, and had become bitter towards it. Odd, considering how readily he believed the most ridiculous aspects of the occult.

He wouldn't say anything, obviously. He never did. He would just quietly fade into the background while Ryuutaro did what he wanted.]

[Ryuutaro was not surprised in the slightest. So he gave Hayato another smile before sitting down at the according place to pray himself. Even if he was not sure what he believed in anymore, he would not have felt right without this.
He closed his eyes and let his thoughts wander to the upcoming year. The future. Even if fate was a suspicious person, it usually liked him... He could ask it and the gods out there, if they were out there for a good year.
It was important now more than ever, or so it felt.

Even if so many things were different. So many of his usual requests had changed drastically according to the Manor and in the end he had to phrase most of his prayer unspecifically, because he just didn't know.
But it was alright.

For a moment he just sits there, perfectly fitting in the the shrine as surroundings, but it does not take him overly long to get up again and move back to Hayato, nodding]

[Hayato just watches him as he prays. It was almost astonishing how much Ryuutaro blended into the scenery. He really belonged here. He just looked good sitting there in the shrine. When Ryuutaro got up, Gokudera walked over him, and placed his arm around Ryuutaro's waist. While he didn't belong here, or really anywhere, at least not culturally, he was used to it. He was fine just being an outsider though.

He had Ryuutaro. The Vongola. Temari. They weren't really a culture or somewhere he could go and suddenly blend it, but he did belong with them. That was good enough for him.]

I'm finished... Even if this year's prayer was pretty confusing in comparison to former ones.

[He chuckled a bit, even if maybe this was not funny at all. But right now he was in a mood that was too good for allowing him to dwell on this.]

[Hayato laughed a little]

I'll bet. This place kind of makes everything more complicated doesn't it?

[He honestly did his best not to think about it. He didn't want to think about the possibility that in a blink the Author could take Ryuutaro away, or mess with his memories, or even his age. He didn't want to think of the things that could happen that would break this relationship. Or the things she could do to break him. She could bring in Souichi, or Byakuran, even Gamma would be a problem, and what if she sent the Tenth home alone?! These were things he needed to shove away. It was hard enough being so much weaker than his boss already. He didn't need anything else to go wrong either.]

It does, but that's not really news. I got used to it by now.

[They'd have to deal. They always head to and Ryuutaro was starting to accept most of it. A year at the Manor, almost, and he had lots of good memories to lessen the horrible ones. He could imagine staying here for much longer now.]

I guess... it's really not so bad here. I mean, everything important to me is here now....I guess... I got no reason to want to leave...

[The Vongola was here, Ryuutaro was here, he had Temari, and even that Mary broad wasn't so bad. He was happier here than he had been at home. He even liked the more dangerous plots since it gave him something to do. The only way it could get better was if the rest of the Vongola came!

...Varia excluded.]

[Ryuutaro paused for a short moment. This was what he had felt, but never worded, even to himself, because it had scared him]

Yes, actually I'm fine with this place as well by now...
We get out enough for it not to get boring, I suppose.

[He played with his fan thoughtfully, but he was still smiling]

I'd known anyway that my time as a blader the way I knew it would be over. And who knows, we've been to Titanic even. I bet we'll get to a tournament sooner or later, mine cannot be the only world with those.

[The Manor had hurt him badly in the past, made him go through all kinds of pain he had never thought he would experience, but in a way that was mostly fine with him. Maybe not forever, but another year or two would not hurt.]

[He laughs a little]

I'd like to visit your world for a while, maybe I could show you mine too! Or maybe even we could go to Italy or somethin'!

[He sighed and held Ryuutaro a bit closer, shivering as a cold gust of wind blows by.]

Or maybe just somewhere warmer....

[Showing his world to Hayato... it felt like a nice thought, but when he rationally thought about it, it was just odd. Hayato and his world... It did not seem to match very much. He knew Hayato would have the potential to be a perfect blader (if he could keep his temper in check only a little bite more), but he was not sure how he'd even feel about the concept of beyblading in itself. They hadn't really talked about it at all, since the first time.
He had not really talked about beyblading to anybody since then, much. And he kind of missed it.

And then Hayato's last line just made him laugh a bit]

I suppose the last wish is one you that could get granted. A frozen boyfriend is not exactly desirable after all.

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[actually has been in person for a while] Might as well make this 1/3 for the heck of icons

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THIS ICON. Because I can.

LOL Ryuutaro your face. Just your FAAAACE.

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