badfic_manor | round 001 || Knuckle || [accidental video]

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round 001 || Knuckle || [accidental video]

[The feed comes on to a nice shot of a pair of shoes, and the bottom of some sort of black robe.]

What in heaven's name is thi-

[He turns the device around so that his face finally comes into view and he immediately freezes up the moment he sees his face on the tiny little device. Very slowly and carefully just places the device back where he found it. He was not sure what the little device was, but he was sure that he PROBABLY shouldn't be touching it. The priest wandered out into the hall, and for anyone who may remember a certain Sasagawa Ryohei... well... the shouting will be very nostalgic.]

EXCUSE ME?! IS ANYONE HERE?! I SEEM TO BE VERY LOST, TO THE MAX!

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[He is a sucker Badou. Quite possibly the most gullible person you will ever meet. Probably one of the dullest too. Give him a moment to try and make sense of that dialect enough to FINALLY get that...]

...So this isn't hell? [He looks around again.] so then... where are you?

[Badou is amused and baffled to pieces to be quite honest. Which Badou hardly is.]

Nope, I was just joshin' ya. Thought it'd be fun but you ruined that, party pooper. [Another snort] Uhh...I'm in my room. If the next words outta your mouth are inquiries 'bout my state of undress I think you're gonna haveta slow down, buckaroo. I ain't that kinda girl. Why...where're you?

[Knuckle laughs a bit at his own gullibility. Of course... someone was pulling his leg. He really should try to figure these things out earlier...]

Your room? So you live here? I woke up in a strange room myself... it looks like my room from home, however... the hallway is unfamiliar.

[With that laugh the tension and slight irritation breaks and Badou allows himself a chuckle of his own.Jeeeeezuz, fresh meat problems.]

Yuuup, live an get paid jack shit fer the work an sufferin' I do here. Welcome to the clusterfuck. The good news is you ain't dead; bad news is you're stuck a hell of a long way from home an you'll haveta damn near jump through flamin' godzilla guarded hoops just to make a livin. Worse news: there ain't much in the department of tits to look at.

[Well here's what Knuckle got by translating Badou-speak: Something about a bad job and not getting paid. Something about... was that some sort of candy bar? It sounded like a candy bar... He wasn't dead... but he was quite sure he was which made this all another kind of conundrum entirely. He wasn't in ~~Kansas~~ Italy any more... and some futuristic diety maybe?

And this place didn't have birds.

Eh. Close enough. Time to ask a repetitive question! Since he's still rather confused about the whole 'living again' thing.]

So... I am not dead?

[Knuckle's track record of understanding hadn't been too great when it came to Le Ginger and his lazy colorful drawl so it's no feat that he could almost picture the thinking pose, sans toilet, in the other man. There's a soft, bemused sigh.]

Well man, you've got a check list to go over, check it twice. That ain't on my non workin' conscience. You stiff-y? You gotta pulse? A cravin' fer human flesh with a lil bbq sauce? Is dear ol' Death stalkin' you, tappin' an expensive wrist watch an sayin' you're late? If you ain't none of the above, 'm pretty sure you're still in the land of the livin, brah.

But that can't be right... I have already been dead a number of years...

[He checks his pulse anyway- since that is a very good idea Mr. Disembodied voice of a ginger.]

But no, I'm not hungry I don't think...

Do I look like a rocket stiffy scientist to you? I don't know what the fuckin space time continuum has done fer your circulation, man.

[There's a pause as a thought FINALLY occurs to Badou. Which would explain why this guy was a bit more of a flake than the usual fresh meat type.] Whats the guestimation on that, then? Before the Holy Roman Empire got boned dry...? After....? When togas were out of style aside from frat parties....?

Gotta take a dump? That'll prove your further existence reaaaal quick.

Well... I cannot see you... and I do not think I know what a 'rocket stiffy scientist' is...

[He scratched his head as he tried to think of the last significant event from his life...]

Well... There was a terrible Earthquake and a Tsunami in Messina sometime last year, the summer Olympics were held in London... let's um... the write brothers have become rather popular for their planes... does that help at all?

A scientist that diddles in stiffies fer rocket ships an rap.

[There's a disturbing, blessed, horrifying silence. Until the most grody sputtering and choking sound takes over. It's Badou and he's laughing, dumbfounded.] Are you fuckin kiddin me? Holy tits, that is just the tits...Yeah that helps a lot, man. I've determined that 'm talkin' to a grandpa that doesn't know the pleasures of cable television yet. Jesus...makes ya think, don't it.

Diddles and what for what?

[There was a moment. A brief moment. Where Knuckle actually pondered if at the very least the devil would be easier to understand. Even if he recanted Latin backwards it couldn't be as confusing as this!]

Cable... what?

[Case in point.]

[Sigh, this GUY! Cut Badou a little slack, the teaching pension ain't what it used to be. Would he even be paid for this? Cause speaking in tongues ain't got JACK on Badou's swag. People do still say swag right?]

Science. Proves why rain an boners fall like the holy fuckin roman empire. Rap. It's this...thing that's supposedly music an summons the devil, Kanye. Or so I've heard.

[SMACK of Badou's palm once again meeting his forehead.] T.V TOO?! SERIOUSLY?! Fuck...we're gonna need a Baywatch marathon. Stat. S'alright man, I'll hook ya up.

[Oh you are getting all the slack Badou. No one liked explaining things to Knuckle a hundred years ago because well....]

...It rains bones in the future? I have experience with bays at least. I grew up on Manhattan island, on the upper New York Bay.

[This would happen. He honestly thinks the bay thing is an accomplishment. Points for effort at least.]

[Tch FINE. As long as there are no pants-ly kind of slacks, tis acceptable. As soon as the words reach his ears Badou can feel his head twinge in sympathy to those poor martyrs a hundred years ago. It's like they're all connected in the circle of headaches.

No these kinds'a....bones...[There's a definite MANLY giggle] are more meaty an veiny. That's not the-....nonononono. No. No. You won't fuckin ruin this for me with marine life, whales, an ships that don't include Pam Anderson an that one chick. I won't let you. The tits, man. The. Tits. Jigglin' around. Shit, we need to get you back to the future stat!

[Oh, look he's talking about birds again. He must be some kind of bird hobbyist.]

Well, I never quite spent much time by the bay enough to look for birds....

[There's just this ominous, stunned silence. Then-]

Are you fuckin' /high/? What the hell do birds gotta do with anythin. Were you even listenin? Clean your ears, goddamn.
Boobs. Boobies. Mammories. Jugs. Tatas. Knockers. Hooters. Milkshakes. Uhhhh what do prudes use to refer to tits...OH! Breasts.

We've got a lotta work ahead of us. I expect my payment fer these lessons on time.

[So Birds, containers, owls, milk drinks- oh. He's talking about... why would he talk about something like that!? That was just...]

O-oh...

[Just excuse him while he's flustering... but oh! Low and behold! A DISTRACTION!]

Pay...? Pay for what?

[Realized it ain't a grocery list yet, slick? Bout time.]

YEAAAAAAAAH! Now ya got it? Lesson the first: most nicknames are root words about tits. In latin. Or close to it.

Hey now, don't get any funky ideas. The funky era was waaaay after your time, gramps. Payment fer the information, of course! Gotta make my livin' somehow.

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round 001 || Knuckle || [accidental video]

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oh god I can't believe I let this tag sit so long I AM SO SORRY.

YOU SHHHHH its okay! You've been hella occupied + gone, I understand and will wait 5eva for this

And then I get kidnapped by a small child for a while. I'LL BE BETTER SOMEDAY.

They're a menace to society. It's okayyyy I'm telling you! I believe in you

AND FINALLY. A TIMELY RESPONSE.

FUCK YESssss helllooo there!~