[Video] Teenagers scare the living SHIT out of me (esp 8 ft ones with tits big as me)

[notkinkypatch]

[Badou has taken this past event in stride; which means mourning the half interested jailbait and giving his young impressionable and (sometimes) muscle-y charges countless wise lectures on life, liberty, and proper ways to access-]

The condom club! Listen up you sweet an sour assmunches, one day you'll rue the day you didn't heed Mr. Nails' awesome advice- 'specially when you get three little brats hangin' off your teats fer eighteen years. Anyway; writin, readin, arhythumtickin, an the condom club'll getcha far in life.[The feed chugs along as he paces, chewing on the end of his cigarette all the while and oblivious to the spit ball carnage happening to his ass and the back of his shirt. They've got good aim.]

Whip it out, piss in a cup, an your member is a member fer life. When your frothin' loins call out to each other wantonly durin' prom, very few of you'll get herpes or babies. Oh an ladies, you've got the same shpiel, but more hooter shit. [Badou turns to face his audience, of whom display a varying degree of confusion, disgust, and arousal, then takes a soothing pull from his blessed cigarette, pleased as punch with himself for NOT saying anything that could be deemed sexual harassment. For once.] Questions? Comments? Concer- no, Nezbit, put your goddamn hand down, I'm bout to put a detention slip up your ass, for the love of God, no, bad, sit. Yeah, /you/, what do you want?

Mister Nails, this is a health class. The unit was supposed to cover the toxicity and dangers of drugs and alcohol. Sexual education was last week and we all will spend the rest of our lives purging that from our memories. Also, you're exposing us to harmful second hand smoke. Again.

[All the brave soul receives for his trouble is a snort and the finger.] You're bout to be exposed to my foot in your asshole in a minute, how's that? Smoke is good fer you, builds character, an only communists believe that bullshit. Any other smartasses wanna go a round? I'll take you down to china town-

[When a particularly large (GARGANTUAN) young man in a letterman jacket stands and starts to make his way up the row of desks, Badou lets out a squawk, accuses the 'crew' of mutiny, and ducks behind his desk] EXCEPT YOU, SCOTTY, DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE A FIREWORK? AN MY FAVORITE? YOUR SPONTANEOUS MUSCLE TWITCHES DURIN CLASS MAKE ME SO ENVIOUS.

[The class bursts into laughter as 'Scotty' merely takes the bathroom pass, gives Badou the stink eye, then leaves. Just as the coast is clear and Badou emerges to straighten his knotted tie, a softball smacks him in the eye, sending him and his eyepatch reeling]

MOOOTHERFUCK! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY CALLED SOFT, THOSE AIN'T FLACCID AT ALL! WHO DID THAT, I'M GONNA-

TAKE A POTTY BREAK! [He storms out, the sound of his student's advise haunting him like a taco bell el grande]

Don't forget to wipe! That's the most important act of the day!

I'M GONNA ACT YOUR....AW SHUDDAP! [He bellows, lower lip wobbling pathetically, and the feed catches his rendition of Ginger Vs. The Water Fountain just before it cuts off.]

Comments

[notkinkypatch]

[Another street smart genius with a heart of silver? Sheee-iiit, there goes the neighborhood. On the bright side Dino's rep is safe with Badou; he merely sees another smug little shit who needs to be taken down a few pegs. Preferably with his teeth not in tact. So Badou sighs and rolls his eye.] What, too many concussions an t-baggin? Must be a rough life, kid.

[Now his peeper widens in alarm and his face contorts accordingly. Constipated-ly. SOOO NOT AMUSED! If he saw Badou collide with anything there are very few ways to explain it other than depth perception. Maybe this kid meant...pep talking Waldo? That had to be it. Yeah, that was totally it! Who would DARE question and mock his teaching techniques?! No wise man, that's who...m. He doesn't teach english for a reason, fuck it.]

Don't you have some better things to fuckin do? Like stealin' lunch money or givin yourself a wistful wedggie in the ladies room? What's your name, anyhow. I oughta write you up on general principle.

[has_a_phd_in_teddybear]

Something like that. [A shrug. not for you to know.]

Sounds more like your day than mine, sir. only time I go in the ladies is with one on my arm and she has a thing for weird places. It happens more than you think. Probably the 'danger' of it being in a public place or something. I don't know. [He's challenging your manhood by mentioning it happening quite a lot. You know, like you don't know. More than hinting that he's saying you don't get laid enough, so you wouldn't know this.

The lie is effortless. smooth, not even a flicker in expression. He's practised and experienced. Though, it could be assumed that it's because he's quite clearly giving you what is a fake name.] Marc, sir. [Even manges to get that petulant and mocking.] Marc Bolan. [Yep, he went for one of the obvious ones. Yep, it was deliberate.]

[notkinkypatch]

Naw, I only steal from disgruntled lil' old ladies an those boy scouts that waddle an can't run after me. I might even get to be on funniest home videos. [His voice drips with contempt. Have another eyeroll. Come fucking ON, everyone knows you get crabs from smanging in public bathrooms. How raw is this kid. Whatever, Badou doesn't feel sorry for the cocky little cock. When he wakes up with his dick funky colors, don't cum crying to Mistah Nails~ Seriously. Does he look like a nurse, or a counselor. Health teacher no qualified-o.]

You hunt chicks that can only bare to bare their all in the shitter? /God damn/ you poonhound. You're a real fuckin man, brah. I forget what it's like to be barred from swanky establishments fer shitty ass fake IDs. That's rough, buddy.

Dick Banderass, you say? [Badou's lips curl into a sneer. He's a real keeper, this one. Annoying as fuck but sort of entertaining.] Lemme just write that down....[In case you're wondering YES he is going for a pink slip. Or it could be a coupon from some mag, who knows.]

[has_a_phd_in_teddybear]

Nah, not only. I just go to where the lady wants. You know, all about which ever pretty girl I can get my hands on this week. And in a place like this, there's plenty - you can keep 'em begging for more if you go when and how they like it. Not that you'll know anything about that. [why yes, he's challenging it again.

You just get an eyebrow raise. the kind you might give to a child who's misbehaving - showing both patience and they fact you haven't got time for this shit.] Never had that happen, and I've been in plenty. Unlike some people, I have standards. [Why yes, Badou, that was a dig. another dig. especially as that's coming from the kid who just told you that he's had sex in the girls loos when the chick wants it there.]

You can write down whatever the hell you like. [That is the face of someone who cares. NOT. smugness still going.]

[notkinkypatch]

So like a true predator you go fer the brainless bimbos in the herd an pick em off one by one, lettin' them lead ya to the shitter. You an the discovery channel must be real ol chums. [Badou's smile is oh so tight and his jaw ticks but he's not gonna fall for the bait, he's not gonna fall for the bait, he's not-
He snaps like a training bra strap.]

STANDARDS?! STAN- STANDARDS?! YOU'VE GOT JAIL BAIT POON, UNWRAPPED AN CRISPY, EASY AS PIE YOU LITTLE FUCK! REAL POONHOUNDARY IS THE JUNGLE OF THE RAVE PARTIES, PROWLIN' THE MOTHERFUCKIN SMOKE MACHINE ASS STANKY AIR, BEIN' HIT ON BY A DRAG QUEEN AN AVOIDIN' EM LIKE THE BLACK DEATH! DOIN' THE MATIN' CALL OF THE STANKY LEG! YOU'VE NO FUCKIN- [He's heaving and wheezing, hands flailing about as he explains the first world problem of casual sexings, pink slip mostly forgotten. He was just going to draw a few dicks and leave it in the fucktar- young gentleman's homeroom or something, anyway.] WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT JAILBAIT POONTANG, ANYHOW?! NOTHIN' BUT TEARS, HERPES, AN MOTHERS WITH TOO MANY EXPECTATIONS!

[As he rambles on he shakes the phone, which does nothing but make some less than impressive music to compliment his shrieking and look like a shitty B-horror movie effect. Enjoy.]

It was short, but oh so beautiful XD

[has_a_phd_in_teddybear]

[He's just... laughing. And laughing. And laughing. and so very, very smug.] Sounds like someone's jealous. why's that - too old to pull anything nice and tight anymore, or just too old to get it up?

[He then licks his finger and draws an invisible 1 in the air. Before switching off. The message clear: I win.

Dean - 1. Badou - 0]

YOU'RE BEAUUTIFULL ITS TRUUU. also i'm sorry this is late, my net is a shit, so thats a wrap!

[notkinkypatch]

[Laugh while you can you scrotum pole! Badou's in the middle of panting, wheezing, and flailing in GR (ginger rage) whilst using his manry powers to squeeze the life out of his phone. Nothing is working, and he starts to sputter again-] JEALOUS OF YOUR POTTY STDS? NO FUCKIN THANKS, YOU UNCOUTH DILDO SWINE!

O-OLD...I'M ONLY LIKE FIVE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU, YOU DICKCHEESE! IF YOU DON'T AT LEAST GET THREE BABY SCARES AN A CASE OF ANAL PROLAPSE BY THE TIME YOU'RE MY AGE THE UNIVERSE IS SERIOUSLY AN UNFAIR, UNPROPORTIONED DICK! [and then realizes that Dean is long gone, so he gapes uselessly.]

Little fucks got no manners anymore...