notkinkypatch: (fuck your liver and onions shitstain)
Badou Nails ([personal profile] notkinkypatch) wrote in [community profile] badfic_manor2012-08-16 01:31 am

[Video] Teenagers scare the living SHIT out of me (esp 8 ft ones with tits big as me)

[Badou has taken this past event in stride; which means mourning the half interested jailbait and giving his young impressionable and (sometimes) muscle-y charges countless wise lectures on life, liberty, and proper ways to access-]

The condom club! Listen up you sweet an sour assmunches, one day you'll rue the day you didn't heed Mr. Nails' awesome advice- 'specially when you get three little brats hangin' off your teats fer eighteen years. Anyway; writin, readin, arhythumtickin, an the condom club'll getcha far in life.[The feed chugs along as he paces, chewing on the end of his cigarette all the while and oblivious to the spit ball carnage happening to his ass and the back of his shirt. They've got good aim.]

Whip it out, piss in a cup, an your member is a member fer life. When your frothin' loins call out to each other wantonly durin' prom, very few of you'll get herpes or babies. Oh an ladies, you've got the same shpiel, but more hooter shit. [Badou turns to face his audience, of whom display a varying degree of confusion, disgust, and arousal, then takes a soothing pull from his blessed cigarette, pleased as punch with himself for NOT saying anything that could be deemed sexual harassment. For once.] Questions? Comments? Concer- no, Nezbit, put your goddamn hand down, I'm bout to put a detention slip up your ass, for the love of God, no, bad, sit. Yeah, /you/, what do you want?

Mister Nails, this is a health class. The unit was supposed to cover the toxicity and dangers of drugs and alcohol. Sexual education was last week and we all will spend the rest of our lives purging that from our memories. Also, you're exposing us to harmful second hand smoke. Again.

[All the brave soul receives for his trouble is a snort and the finger.] You're bout to be exposed to my foot in your asshole in a minute, how's that? Smoke is good fer you, builds character, an only communists believe that bullshit. Any other smartasses wanna go a round? I'll take you down to china town-

[When a particularly large (GARGANTUAN) young man in a letterman jacket stands and starts to make his way up the row of desks, Badou lets out a squawk, accuses the 'crew' of mutiny, and ducks behind his desk] EXCEPT YOU, SCOTTY, DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE A FIREWORK? AN MY FAVORITE? YOUR SPONTANEOUS MUSCLE TWITCHES DURIN CLASS MAKE ME SO ENVIOUS.

[The class bursts into laughter as 'Scotty' merely takes the bathroom pass, gives Badou the stink eye, then leaves. Just as the coast is clear and Badou emerges to straighten his knotted tie, a softball smacks him in the eye, sending him and his eyepatch reeling]

MOOOTHERFUCK! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY CALLED SOFT, THOSE AIN'T FLACCID AT ALL! WHO DID THAT, I'M GONNA-

TAKE A POTTY BREAK! [He storms out, the sound of his student's advise haunting him like a taco bell el grande]

Don't forget to wipe! That's the most important act of the day!

I'M GONNA ACT YOUR....AW SHUDDAP! [He bellows, lower lip wobbling pathetically, and the feed catches his rendition of Ginger Vs. The Water Fountain just before it cuts off.]
has_a_phd_in_teddybear: (Teen!Dean || smugsmugsmug)

[personal profile] has_a_phd_in_teddybear 2012-08-16 10:25 am (UTC)(link)
[don't mind the sound of laughing coming from this feed. That? is hilarious.]

They're wrong - it's washing your hands.

[Paaause]

And don't forget that shaking more than twice is playing with yourself.

[Shmirk. this newly-teen is indeed taking the piss.]
has_a_phd_in_teddybear: (Teen!Dean || smug)

[personal profile] has_a_phd_in_teddybear 2012-08-17 09:40 am (UTC)(link)
Nah, I don't do books. Not many of them have anything useful in 'em.
has_a_phd_in_teddybear: (Teen!Dean || smugsmugsmug)

[personal profile] has_a_phd_in_teddybear 2012-08-18 06:18 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh, no. When he can be bothered with it? He's smart. Not scary-smart like his brother, but he is smart. He also retains a lot more learning than he'd have you believe. He just prefers to expend his energy elsewhere. That, and if he gives out stupid, things expect stupid. It lets him catch them off-guard.

But he shrugs easily, lips curving amusedly, before saying (more than a little sarcastically):]
If I could read it, I'd let you know.

[That smug smirk... is not dropping. Sorry Badou, but being a teacher - especially a crappy one by the seems of it, according to his judgement - has marked you out as a target.] Yeah, you can tell. [Not going to explain what part of that sentence. Ever. Have fun with that. Even though he actually means that it seems like you've never picked up a book other than that. And that he's not surprised you struggled.]
has_a_phd_in_teddybear: (Teen!Dean || smugsmugsmug)

[personal profile] has_a_phd_in_teddybear 2012-08-18 07:00 am (UTC)(link)
Something like that. [A shrug. not for you to know.]

Sounds more like your day than mine, sir. only time I go in the ladies is with one on my arm and she has a thing for weird places. It happens more than you think. Probably the 'danger' of it being in a public place or something. I don't know. [He's challenging your manhood by mentioning it happening quite a lot. You know, like you don't know. More than hinting that he's saying you don't get laid enough, so you wouldn't know this.

The lie is effortless. smooth, not even a flicker in expression. He's practised and experienced. Though, it could be assumed that it's because he's quite clearly giving you what is a fake name.]
Marc, sir. [Even manges to get that petulant and mocking.] Marc Bolan. [Yep, he went for one of the obvious ones. Yep, it was deliberate.]
Edited (html >_(\) 2012-08-18 07:00 (UTC)
has_a_phd_in_teddybear: (Teen!Dean || smug)

[personal profile] has_a_phd_in_teddybear 2012-08-18 08:02 am (UTC)(link)
Nah, not only. I just go to where the lady wants. You know, all about which ever pretty girl I can get my hands on this week. And in a place like this, there's plenty - you can keep 'em begging for more if you go when and how they like it. Not that you'll know anything about that. [why yes, he's challenging it again.

You just get an eyebrow raise. the kind you might give to a child who's misbehaving - showing both patience and they fact you haven't got time for this shit.]
Never had that happen, and I've been in plenty. Unlike some people, I have standards. [Why yes, Badou, that was a dig. another dig. especially as that's coming from the kid who just told you that he's had sex in the girls loos when the chick wants it there.]

You can write down whatever the hell you like. [That is the face of someone who cares. NOT. smugness still going.]
has_a_phd_in_teddybear: (Teen!Dean || smugsmugsmug)

It was short, but oh so beautiful XD

[personal profile] has_a_phd_in_teddybear 2012-08-18 07:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[He's just... laughing. And laughing. And laughing. and so very, very smug.] Sounds like someone's jealous. why's that - too old to pull anything nice and tight anymore, or just too old to get it up?

[He then licks his finger and draws an invisible 1 in the air. Before switching off. The message clear: I win.

Dean - 1. Badou - 0]
artificialflower: (friendly // mocking)

[video]

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-08-16 08:03 pm (UTC)(link)
[Blink.]

[Blink blink.]

[Snort.]

What kind of a teacher are you? You're pissing your pants at the sight of one student.

[Why hello there, this is a Kanda remodelled into a lovely left-to-repeat-the-course student with behaviour issues. Still a jerk and an idiot, too.]
artificialflower: (unimpressed // pout)

[Video]

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-08-17 03:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[Scowls at the princess comment, but apparently doesn't remember it being reality. Listens to the insults with a blank face.]

Size isn't everything. You're pathetic.
artificialflower: (glare // distrust)

[Video]

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-08-19 08:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[Kanda would bite back with more cynical comments, but he's suddenly disarmed even if by accident because fuck, he's bloody self-conscious about his hairless balls, thanks. It's not his fault that the scientists didn't bother to install more follicles all over his body! Dammit.]

[Grumps up and now just glares at the too-cheerful man.]

My bathroom visits are not scandalous. How the hell did you get your job? Blackmail?
artificialflower: (ugh // but lenalee)

[Video] IT'S OKAY REALLY

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-08-24 08:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[Now that's just getting annoying.]

Why are you telling me all that shit?

[Sorry, as much as it is nice to know that he had been right (no way someone this annoying could be a legit teacher! Then again, they're all annoying. Damn paradox), legends about someone's hairy nipples is the next last thing that Kanda wants to hear about, the lastest being hairy nipples belonging to Beansprout that is. Ew.]
artificialflower: (sounds like a plan // you do that)

[Video]

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-08-27 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[What day is that going to be? Somehow, even the Apocalypse only looks worse with giant hairy nipples looming over it.]

[If it wasn't a video, Kanda would be all ready to cut Badou in two at this point. Alas. Technically, maybe it is his kind of blackmail. Threats. Seems to work fine with most of the normal people, anyway.]

If there's anything shitty, it's your methods.

[Looks superior again, as the nipple horror has faded into the past a little by now.]

No.

[All ready to hang up.]
artificialflower: (grumble // busted)

[Video]

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-08-29 09:17 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh dear fucking gods was that one also in a prophecy? The world is doomed. DOOMED.]

[Not that he has any idea who or what Hoodini is or was and is interested in the slightest, but he does attempt to listen. Until about ten words in, because that's where the realization of what the shit comes in.]

Shut up.

[Pauses. Glares.]

Not cute.
artificialflower: (dafuq // you gotta be kidding me)

[Video]

[personal profile] artificialflower 2012-09-01 08:21 am (UTC)(link)
[That is even worse than the spaceship hidden in the haystack of gramps' farm which will take the humanity to planet of yay once mayhem, destruction and lava offs their current home planet. What.]

I could do all that. Are sharks edible?

[Sharp blade between the eyes make people strangely agreeable, it's a phenomenon unmatched. Grr.]

No.

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