▓ Martini 11 ▓ // (forward dated after B's capture) There are worse things, perverse things // [vid]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Cabin fever was a dangerous thing. Especially when it came to a certain Canadian. Since the announcement of B's arrest and capture, Wallace decided that hey, it was time to celebrate. All this doom and gloom needed shifting, and nothing broke the ice like a little bit of filthy humour. So he'd buried himself in the kitchen, (avoiding the dishwasher at all costs -- nngh corpses), and started baking. There was a batch of cookies already in the oven, but there was something.. a little off about the shaping and decorations of the already completed batch. The pilot for what he was about to do. Appearing on the network he grinned, not that outright annoying kind no one wants to see at a time like this, but it was assuring.]

Hey. We need some downtime and I've got just the idea. [Picking up a cookie, it's shape is ambiguous before it comes into focus. It's a boob biscuit, complete with icing and chocolate chip nipples. Because hey, to the general public boobs are more acceptable than peens, lord knows why.] I've got jugs, junk or butts, whatever floats your boat guys. Ya wann'em, they're in the kitchen with me. 

Oh! and I've got a batch cooking now if you wanna decorate your own.

[He turns off the feed, content his job was done and turns to the iPod dock he'd dragged in from his room. Inappropriate music ahoy.]m

Comments

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

[Sheldon had gotten up and isn't feeling very well but he knows he needs to eat something. Upon seeing those cookies, his face scrunches up in an effort of not laughing too hard since he was still hurting.]

Nice. Give me those tits and a glass of milk. Oddly enough, those two go together.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace cocked a glance over his shoulder, internally shuddering at the hetero joke. Keeping his DNW to himself he throws the biscuit Sheldon's way.]

Now, what's the magic word we say, guy?

[It's said in a mildly patronising way, as he reaches for the fridge. Sure he'd get him some, he was just testing the guy's manners.]

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Please and spank you or sneeze and fuck you, take your pick.

[Of course in his tone, he was obviously joking and it showed on his face.]

You're Wallace, right?

[Sheldon was never eloquent which earned him the reputation within his Agency as the Scoundrel of the South.]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Humming to himself he debates which answer to pick. Exhaling in a manner that sounds close to a laugh, he smirks.]

Think I'll have a please and spank. You're not my type to get a sneeze and fuck.

[He sticks his tongue out playfully.]

Yeah, nice to meet you..?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Sheldon. I've been here a while but I never seem to get out much.

[That and being in the kitchen, he keeps his distance from the sink and dishwasher.]

Last week was a bitch wasn't it?

[He takes a bite of the cookie with a grin.]

Thanks for the cookie, or biscuit, or whatever these things are called by the many running around here.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

Sheldon. Awesome. Heh, understandable, this place usually finds someway to distract us.

[Wallace was vaguely aware of what had happened, seeing the usual outlines drawn around corpses in the kitchen, the smell of death permeating the air.. It only made him withdraw to the more light hearted games in the game room. Anything with zombies, or death was out.]

I only figured it was a matter of time before she tried to pull shit like that. With the system gone it was gonna happen sometime - better sooner than later I guess.

[He waves his hand and bites into his own gratuitously iced peen cookie. Then pausing and spurting more icing onto it -- oh god it was like diabetes in a bite. Awesome.]

No problem, I figured we all needed a break after that shit storm. This just seemed to work.

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

It sure does and it fucks with the head.

[His brow raised and smirks slyly as he watches Wallace with the cookie.]

No pun intended. We've got one of those things going where I guess someone's supposed to be calling up some school or some shit. I wonder how that's going to work out. It seems interesting at best.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[He cocks his head, wiping the excess icing from around his mouth with his thumb.]

Oh? What like an education system? Wow, things really are gettin sophisticated around here. Who the hell conjoured that one up?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Two dorks probably. Maybe they missed their time as students, I don't know. I just skimmed through to see what I missed, which isn't a lot by the looks of things. Glad that the son of a bitch was caught though. I hate pale skin and the smell of jam.

[He takes a sip of his milk.]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

How are they hoping to teach though? Not many kids unless they're looking at higher degree stuff.

He was the kinda guy that looked like he lived in his mom's basement wasn't he?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

[He takes another bite of the cookie and grabs a penis shaped one with a smirk. After all, they are cookies.]

He looked very similar to the one that dressed up like Batman at the Halloween party. Same jawline, same build, same slouch. He certainly didn't hold himself well at all.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace sneaks to grab one of the few normal cookies he'd made. Innuendo aside it was probably the best batch he'd made in a while.]

Weird.. You think they were twins or something?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Yeah, fucking weird alright and why didn't that prick Mello mention him? Sounds like he was setting us up for the slaughter so he could take the glory. Brilliant. Stupid on the whole but brilliant on the micro point even at the cost of lives including my own.

At any rate, Mello's ability as a detective is flawed beyond reason.

[Sheldon's no longer paying attention to those cookies. They were good and that's all he had to say about them.]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

As far as I can tell? That guy needs to take a pill. He's high strung about something, and he isn't the kinda guy to share during peace circle.

[Groaning he leans against the counter top.]

Really? The guy needs a fucking muzzle. I've kept my nose outta the heavy shit for a long time, but unless we say we're not having this shit they're calling law and order, then it's just gonna get worse.

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

You know, the criminal types are only going to push that barrier to the point of breaking...again. Like the last time, this time isn't going to be any different.

[He sits on the counter in a lazy manner.]

It's bullshit all the way through. It has nothing to do with me or you or the rest of us here as individuals anymore. It's about who wants control and how far someone would go to get it.

[Coolly.]

And that's where I come in.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Power did shitty things to people. He'd played enough games where that was the subtext and hell, he'd seen it enough. That was life.]

What are you gonna do?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

[He smirks very dangerously.]

Remember the man in the grassy knoll in Dallas? That could be one solution.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

You're gonna snipe people who don't play by the rules? Honey, not sure that'll help the cause.

[He chuckles. He liked his spirit though.]

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

No, baby, I'm going to snipe those that try to take too much. You see, if one guy's hand is in the cookie jar and it gets stuck, the jar has to be broken to let others have a piece.

[And if it comes to that, he'll be ready.]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

Fair game. [He hums and nods.] So what do you get outta this?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Peace of mind.

[To be honest, Sheldon hates chaos more than anyone else and he's OCD about balance. If he feels off, he'll work to fix it and he certainly feels off being in the Manor.]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[His brows raised. Well, he'd wait and see how true that was in the future.]

Good luck to you then. You're probably the most reliable person I've met here so far based on that.

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

We'll see. I'm not much for gaining something when I can't spend it anyway. I would have said money if we were back home.

[He smirks.]

So where's your boyfriend?

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

Aaah, the woes of materialism. Can't blame you. I swear, next field trip we're going on I'm buying out an entire gaming store. I'm frigging sick of playing the same games over and over again.

[He blinks. Boyfriend? The closest he'd had here was Kio.. but he'd disappeared days ago..]

Oh? Nah, I'm single. Enjoying the thrills of a new face each day.

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Ah, I see. Definitely a useful adventure at best.

My ward departed a good few weeks back. At least she's not suffering this hell. I actually fell in love with the girl. Now if that isn't fucked up, I don't know what is.