▓ Martini 11 ▓ // (forward dated after B's capture) There are worse things, perverse things // [vid]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Cabin fever was a dangerous thing. Especially when it came to a certain Canadian. Since the announcement of B's arrest and capture, Wallace decided that hey, it was time to celebrate. All this doom and gloom needed shifting, and nothing broke the ice like a little bit of filthy humour. So he'd buried himself in the kitchen, (avoiding the dishwasher at all costs -- nngh corpses), and started baking. There was a batch of cookies already in the oven, but there was something.. a little off about the shaping and decorations of the already completed batch. The pilot for what he was about to do. Appearing on the network he grinned, not that outright annoying kind no one wants to see at a time like this, but it was assuring.]

Hey. We need some downtime and I've got just the idea. [Picking up a cookie, it's shape is ambiguous before it comes into focus. It's a boob biscuit, complete with icing and chocolate chip nipples. Because hey, to the general public boobs are more acceptable than peens, lord knows why.] I've got jugs, junk or butts, whatever floats your boat guys. Ya wann'em, they're in the kitchen with me. 

Oh! and I've got a batch cooking now if you wanna decorate your own.

[He turns off the feed, content his job was done and turns to the iPod dock he'd dragged in from his room. Inappropriate music ahoy.]m

Comments

[an-adoring-wife.livejournal.com]

I think I'll wait for the next batch and have one before you decorate it, pretend it's a snowman or something.

Some people are very peculiar.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace shrugs and nods.]

No problem, I can make a few normal ones, this is just to get people's attention.

Gotta have some way of taking your mind offa the shittier times. This, just happens to be mine - amusing myself with filth.

[an-adoring-wife.livejournal.com]

I've seen stranger things I suppose.

Some normal ones would be lovely, thank you.

Do you need any help?

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, come on over. More the merrier right?

[After the feed he turns back to the oven and hoists the latest batch out, leaving them to cool on the side.]

[In person]

[1ofyour5aday.livejournal.com]

[The smell of said cookies was far too good to ignore, and now that the killer had been caught, Elphaba had managed to sneak away from Piccolo for a while.]

Who's making what-

[However, when she see's the tray of finished products, she can't help but laugh]

[In person]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Glancing over his shoulder he shoots Elphaba a grin, and then gives her a bow.]

I aim to please~

How're you doing?

[In person]

[1ofyour5aday.livejournal.com]

[When it really kicks in that it's Wallace she's talking to, she smiles as she kicks the door shut, before running up to him and hugging him tightly. Have a nuzzle, free of charge~]

I'm alright....are you okay...?

[In person]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[The hug caught him off guard. She was hugging him kinda like that way when Piccolo disappeared. That.. unsure but kinda worried one.]

Huh? Yeah, just a little freaked after this killer shit-- why did something happen?

[abluechild.livejournal.com]

[kdjfsklsjdfklsjdflkjsdflkjlksjfsfd]

H-hey! There are children here!

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[He blinks. Just for a moment watching her. He then shrugs.]

Would you rather I said the more graphic terms for them? C'mon don't be such a prude, we need some immature humour floating around after the shit storm we just had.

[In Person] Okay, I had to.

[stalking_horse]

[You have +1 detective wandering in. He's missed a couple buttons on his shirt, his tie's missing, his jacket's open, his hair's still wet from a shower, and he looks like he hasn't really slept in a week.]

[He kind-of zombie-homes-in on a cupboard, rifling through bag tea for a tin of loose-leaf, and sets the kettle boiling before he even seems to notice the rest of the kitchen....]

[Aaand the trays of cookies.]

....Huh. [It's almost like this is normal.]

[In Person] XD not a problem!

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace looks up after beginning to decorate the cooling 2nd batch. The guy looked like the dead walking. So, play it friendly.]

Hey amigo, ya want some?

[In Person]

[stalking_horse]

[He thinks it over for a moment, then shrugs, reaching over to pick one up. He's not even entirely paying attention to what; it is a bit of a Zen moment - it is sugar, and therefore a cheap metabolism prop.]

Sure. Thank you.

[In Person]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Catching a glimpse, it's a butt one. He chuckles and raises a brow at Hakuba.]

So...you're an ass kinda guy?

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

[Sheldon had gotten up and isn't feeling very well but he knows he needs to eat something. Upon seeing those cookies, his face scrunches up in an effort of not laughing too hard since he was still hurting.]

Nice. Give me those tits and a glass of milk. Oddly enough, those two go together.

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace cocked a glance over his shoulder, internally shuddering at the hetero joke. Keeping his DNW to himself he throws the biscuit Sheldon's way.]

Now, what's the magic word we say, guy?

[It's said in a mildly patronising way, as he reaches for the fridge. Sure he'd get him some, he was just testing the guy's manners.]

[sands-in-mexico.livejournal.com]

Please and spank you or sneeze and fuck you, take your pick.

[Of course in his tone, he was obviously joking and it showed on his face.]

You're Wallace, right?

[Sheldon was never eloquent which earned him the reputation within his Agency as the Scoundrel of the South.]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Humming to himself he debates which answer to pick. Exhaling in a manner that sounds close to a laugh, he smirks.]

Think I'll have a please and spank. You're not my type to get a sneeze and fuck.

[He sticks his tongue out playfully.]

Yeah, nice to meet you..?

[Audio ... sort of]

[agentmisora.livejournal.com]

[Misora enables voice call immediately, utterly disturbed. With audio on, she takes a breath, prepared to deliver a good scolding only to discover she had nothing to say. She turns the device off.

Naomi puts a palm to her forehead and sighs loudly. Under normal circumstances, she would have not stood for such immaturity, but she's beyond exhausted now. A pause. Oh, what the hell.

She makes a call again, still nothing to say, and hangs up. She repeats this yet a third time.]

Ugh! [She chucks the phone against a wall and drops down on her bed, now both hands over her face, exasperated.] Man, actually, some cookies would be really nice right about now. [She shakes her head. Don't be retarded, Misora.]

[Audio XD]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace stares at the blackberry for a while, trying to make sense of what exactly was happening. He had charged it right? Then, he heard Misora's voice and made a silent 'aaaaaaah, okay.' To himself.]

Well, they're here if you wanna come get them?

[Audio]

[agentmisora.livejournal.com]

[A very very long pause.]

Um ... [Dang, it was temping.] ... no, thank you.

[Curse that pride!]

[Audio]

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[Wallace raises his brows and shrugs. Can't always be a crowd pleaser, he figured.]

Alright, but I'm pretty sure they'll go fast, so if you change your mind do it soon. Don't want anyone missing out.

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

[Coming up behind Wallace and grabbing an ass cookie.]

Dare I ask if these are... how did you phrase it, "artistic impressions" this time?

[suck-it-up-guy.livejournal.com]

[He snorts and points to a rather green pair of boobs.]

Only one so far. Why, you want an ego stroking and for me to say that one's you? [He points to the largest peen cookie.]

Or were you dissatisfied with the last one I brought you?

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

[He blinks in surprise, then quickly colors over being caught off guard with a cough and a raised eyebrow.]

Aah, no, that's quite unnecessary.

[And he takes a very careful, dignified bite out of ass cookie.]

Was that cookie supposed to be a compliment? I was under the impression that I was simply a test subject.