badfic_manor | 005 Better than Disneyland~

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005 Better than Disneyland~

[The feed clicks on, obnoxiously close to B's face as though he's posing for a Myspace picture.]

Oh. It is on. Back off slowly now- [A chorus of giggling ensues as the video slowly pans out to show B sitting on the floor in the dealer's room completely surrounded by fluffy plushies, wearing these slippers as well as a small pile of books. On the top of that pile? THIS. That's right, the King of Death Note spoilers, How to Read 13. And now that B has read it, religiously, cover to cover, he has a few announcements to make. With the help of a few fangirls. Yes, B has made "friends" with them.]

Manorites, your undivided attention, please.

[The thumb goes to lip, and his other hand dangles How to Read 13 by the corner. More giggling as the fangirls behind the camera squeal at the familiar mannerisms.]

Today is our prosecutor-san's birthday! If you should see him, wish him a Happy Birthday, lest he suffer a psychotic break down. His name is Mikami Teru, and he's very shy~~ Especially you two, Mels. Nathaniel.

In fact-! [The video shakes slightly. B rummages around his bag of goodies to produce this ]

We bought you a present Mi~ka~rin~ [He waves the Light plushie around conducting the fangirls behind the camera as they all burst into the Birthday song. ]

Also~ [ He sets the plushie down, and picks up a doujinshi. ~~YES. B HAS DISCOVERED YAOI DOUJINSHI.~~ And sorry Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, but it's one of you two. He flips to a random page. ]

Mother and Father are quite kinky, it seems~ Mraow! Hee.

Oh! [~~What you didn't think B was done, did you?~~ He picks up a large poster. It's commissioned fan art of him drawn as Batman, and L as a random Lackey. ] I think they caught my best side, these artists did. What do you think, Manorites? Lawli?

P.S [In a very, very exaggerated whisper.] Dumbledore is gay.

[ The feed cuts off.]

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[[This is about the most unhappy face L has ever worn in this place, and he's been unhappy. Mad even, downright angry. However, calm and collected is his voice while he sternly makes a gesture at warning level.]]

I'd very much prefer you leave them out of your little games.

Edited 2011-06-08 02:40 (UTC)

[ Interesting. So L is protective over this particular class of successors. What a shame he hadn't been for B's. Jealous? Maybe. Jealous outwardly? Not at all. He talks around the lollipop in his cheek- or should that be lawlipop~? Not addressing L's point just yet. ]

Don't you like the art, L? Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman. Aaaah. Takes me back.

That's disgusting.

[Deadpan face. Deadpan tone. But the fact that he even chose to ACKNOWLEDGE this is a sign in and of itself that it is BOTHERING him to the CORE]

Why Mother! It's simply human nature. [Pause] Arrancar nature.

[ He rummages about until he finds these (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41PBGHnR-XL._SL500_AA280_.jpg) things (http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/b/0/0/c9/1/AAAAC8KbSZYAAAAAAMkf4g.jpg?v=1273577375000). A half smlie.]

They're quite cute, these dolls.

You know nothing of our species. you have no right to assume such.

[He is thoroughly unamused by the dolls]

They hold no purpose.

Perhaps not, Mother. But I can do this with them~

[ B moves the dolls around, making some pretty X-rated motions with them. ]

[And he just stares. The positions are somewhat lost on him.]

...I don't see the point.

....You don't? [His eyes widen slightly in disbelief. Then the corner of B's lips turn upwards in a slight smile. Now this was a rather amusing form of role reversal. It's not often that a "son" could teach a parent about sex after all. He suppresses a giggle as the nickname "Virgin Mary" comes to mind.]

Allow me to teach you about [He looks left and right, as though he's about to say the most taboo thing on the planet. Hushed:] s-e-x. [He clears his throat. Where to begin? He taps his finger against his lower lip. Did Arrancar even have the parts? Well, according to this piece of fine literature, they did.]

When Mother and Father love each other very much [Pointing to an X-rated panel of Ulqui and Grimm as a visual supplement.] they do this. It is how babies are made, Mother.

I am aware how humans reproduce I just don't see the point of imitating such motions with the toys.

[and as usual there is no facial reaction. Sorry BB but if killing fun were a sport he'd be an Olympic gold metalist who broke all the world records]

Imagery, Mother. Imagery. The imagination is a thing that must be kindled, much like a fire, before it yields anything of value. I seek only to spark yours. Lest it die out like the expressivity of your appearance.

I am not your mother, cease regarding me as such. "Imagination" is a fruitless endeavor. There is no point in it.

[Sorry B, Ulquiorra's imagination is about as dead as he is.]

[As if the image of Beyond Birthday alone wasn't disgusting enough. As if the fact of him being here wasn't enough to put Mikami off completly.
The fact that he was surrounded by those innocent-looking merchandises didn't make things better. But it was okay. Mikami could've simply ignored it.
And then the serial killer went on speaking.
Birthday. His birthday. Right. Mikami had known, but he had not really paid attention to it. To him a birthday was just like any other day of the year. It only marked the moment he changed ages.
Hearing Beyond mention it was just... plain weird. How did he know anyway? And what was he playing at with mentioning it in the public?

...psychotic breakdown? Oh, Mikami would've been perfectly fine today without this post. Now the psychotic breakdown had gotten closer rather than farther. Mikami was sure that B knew that very well.
And for what Mikami knew he wasn't 'very shy'.

Horrifyed he listened on.
He had an idea of who 'Mels' was supposed to be and if he was right... Teru seriously didn't want to talk to Mello. Not now and not ever again. Thankfully, he didn't expect the blond man to bother to, just for a silly occasion like this.

And the nickname... It was good that Misa wasn't here to hear this. At least as far as Mikami knew]

[And.. the present. Mikami gasped. He didn't even know what was the worst part of it.
The utter blasphemy of creating a toy designed after God, the fact that people thought it was an appropriate present for him or the fact that the... thing... had a Death Note with it.
Not many knew about the meaning of the notebook, Mikami was sure, but regardless it was information that shouldn't be leaking through to the Manorites.
Mikami now had no other choice than to pretend he didn't know what the notebook meant.

Teru took a deep breath, calming himself down from the wave of disgust and shock. He couldn't let any of his feelings show through. After a few more seconds of inhaling and exhaling air, his facial expression was perfectly serious again.]

I think you exaggerated in your efforts.

Mikarin, you shall make me blush by exaggerating the amount of effort that went into this. It was nothing at all for my dearest friend.

[He moves the Light plush back into view. Talking to it.]

Wasn't it, Tsuki-chan?

[ B nods plush!Light's head.]

See~? Tsuki agrees.

[Oh god, this was so disturbing. Seeing Kira's godliness mocked like that... Ugh. Mikami could barely stand it, but with lots of effort he manages to keep his pokerface.]

Don't call me that.

....Why? After all, it is common practice for friends to call each other by affectionate names.

[This is it. Mikami seriously doesn't want to talk to Beyond any longer. This conversation was clearly getting them nowhere and would only serve to make him feel worse and worse.]

We're not friends.

[Connection is cut]

Ooh! A birthday! I love birthday parties- I'm sure the hotel has balloons locked away someplace we can get too!

Excellent suggestions. Mikami Teru deserves only the finest of birthday parties.

What? You're saying the headmaster is a poncing Nancy?

[Wait...]

How do you even know about Dumbledore?

[ Oh, Severus. B has missed talking to you. Taps lower lip repeatedly. Thinking, apparently. ]

Hm. How do I know Dumbledore. [ Answer: the fangirls. Always the fangirls. ] Curious, isn't it, how that question sounds like the same question as "How do I know Harry Potter?" [ He doesn't.] Hm hm hm.

Harry Potter? There's only one Potter here. [And he won't say his name.]

How do I know you're not lying about Dumbledore? You most likely are.

Am I~? Are you sure, Severus? Are you quuuuuite sure?

[Snape's forgotten how annoying this one is, with his way of speaking and his incessant mind games.]

You have to be.

Have to, implies certainty, excludes possibility. May I ask, Severus, what empirical evidence has granted you the former, and not the latter?

[Admittedly , none.]

I don't have to talk to you.

Why are you participating in this ridiculousness?

[Zarbon hates this place and feels no one should enjoy this week.]

Participating?

[ Griiiiin.]

I'm adapting, Sir Zarbon~ These girls are very fun you know~

[ Mind you, they don't faze him as much, as they think B's an L cosplayer.... which in a sense, he is.]

Fun? And how are they fun?

[He doesn't believe you, B. There is no joy in this.]

They're informational gold mines, Sir Zarbon. Pleasant conversationalists, if a bit loud. They've been offering me candy. Sweets. [ Technically, those sweets are for L, but that's irrelevant. ] Have they been mistreating you? I would think that they'd be fawning over your magnificent hue.

.....

[He is a magnificent hue, isn't he? He preens slightly.]

Be that as it may, I still do not like this.

[Nonchalant shrug.] When life gives you lemons, you squirt the juice into the eyes of your enemies.

[Near has seen enough of the convention to know that the secrets are out now. This works both in his favor and to his disadvantage. Fortunately, the pros outweigh the cons, as his secrets are far more minor than those of a few select individuals. (coughKIRAScough) He is, however, displeased that most of the fun in the win is gone since he didn't get a chance to personally rub it in the loser's face, but he figures he'll get over it.

This guy may know Near's name, but it hardly matters anymore. Two can play the troll game.]

Interesting publication you have there. You must have learned quite a bit about your fellow manor mates, especially the ones from your world. So tell me, are you showering attention on others out of the kindness of your own heart, or because you received none of your own?

[No, Near has not gotten his hands on Vol 13. He has however read 1-7, the parts of the Kira case preceding his role, and the last bit of 12. As far as he knows, B was insignificant, not even mentioned.]

Edited 2011-06-08 20:32 (UTC)

[ Oh ho ho. Perceptive, but not the correct conclusion. The future generation of L's successors are still not up to par. The idea that B's plans were, in the end, failures did come as a surprising, bitter disappointment. Having gone back too, and realizing first hand that knowledge gained in the Manor doesn't stay with you, comes as retrospective salt in his wounds, but for the now, none of that is significant, for if he can defeat L here, it's just as valid as beating L there. In other words, this nonsense isn't just nonsense. It's a second chance. And this time, B would not gamble on his numbers. This time, there would be no flaws.

The attention he's giving others, serves little purpose outside of B's own amusement. Perhaps (if he's being more honest with himself) there's a bit of denial in it too. ]

How delicious, Nathaniel. Have you psychoanalyzed me yet? I should like to see a demonstration of the future's capabilities.

Don't drag me into this.

[I don't even know that guy....]

[Using the word friend very loosely there.]

[It takes a few seconds for Mello to get what Beyond is hinting at. Not because of any intellectual conundrum, but simply the fact that he hasn't seen Matt (who is the only Matt he can assume Beyond would be talking about to him) in years. Not to mention he can see no point of connection between B and Matt....

...unless.]

I have no idea what you are talking about.

[You're not the person he intends to ask about this, Ryuzaki.]

You don't?

[Face falls slightly. Disappointed.]

...Oh.

[ Except, he knows much better than that. A ghost of a smile flickers back onto his expression, as he brings How to Read 13 back into view. There's a very amusing game in this. ]

Poor Matthew. [ Deadpan. Oh so perfectly deadpan.] So easily forgotten by his friend. You get him killed, you know, Mels. It's very irresponsible of you.

[TOO FUCKING FAR, B.]

Shut your fucking face

[Yes. Its a text. GET OVER IT. IT STILL WORKS]

What is HE doing back here?

Didn't he disappear somewhere---?

...

Eh? It is Teru-chan's birthday?

[Screen flicks on to show one pissed off Grimmjow. It's jerking around, seems Grimmy hasn't gotten the hang of using this thing yet. He also may or may not be dodging mobs of fangirls.]

WHAT THE FUCK?!

WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THAT STUPID COMIC BOOK?! WHO THE FUCK MADE IT AND HOW MANY PEOPLE'S ASSES AM I GONNA HAVE TO KICK TO GET ALL COPIES DESTROYED AND HAVE NO MORE OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKING STUPID ASS SLANDER COMICS MADE?!

Hello, Father. [Have B waving at the screen, grinning broadly while holding the phone upside down.] I'm glad to see you de-fluffed~

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005 Better than Disneyland~

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Re: video; I do hope you know I have that Ulqui doll XD

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[video] -Hey! I remembered this time! :D

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[Audio] - lololol last edit sorry. I'm addicted to the edit function ... need ... therapy ..

audio; xD it's cool <3 And sorry for the late

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text; VERY VERY PUBLIC

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text; woops totally forgot that this was all text. my bad

1/3- Just Misa Reacting- This is not here

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video; sorry for the late ;-;