badfic_manor | 29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

[...She's have thought that he'd want to get out of his bloody clothes. At least he was talking though. Tilting her head, she moved back over to him and set a hand on his arm.]

Why not? Gokudera, please. You can't stay in bloody clothes and I need to see if you need any treatment.

[She couldn't let him leave like this. Before he left her room, he'd be wearing other clothing.]

[He just kept shaking his head]

It'll bleed again... I don't wanna die... I don't wanna die...

[And there's a sharp inhale, indicative to one about to cry, but no tears fell]

I promised...

[Frowning, Mary grabbed his face between her hands, her eyes completely serious.]

Gokudera. I'm not going to let you die. If you're still bleeding, I can fix it, I just need to see how bad the damage is.

[It was true enough, she had a crude first aid kit under her bed for bad injuries and the light one that had been left on her doorstep. She was equipped enough to handle whatever the boy was hiding.]

I promise you. Whatever the injury is, I can fix it. [Not true, but if he could walk, it couldn't be all that bad.]

[and he jumps at the sudden movement and tries to back up and away from Mary. She couldn't touch him, she'll make it worse. It'll bleed, he'll get cold...

he couldn't do that. His grip tightens around the injury and he looks at her, wide-eyed and fearful.]

N-no... no.... D-don't touch me!

[He looks back down at his arms, and once again brings his knees up to his chest, this time defensively. He whimpered fearfully, his tone going from a startled yelp to a fearful plee]

please... just don't touch me...

Edited 2011-10-22 05:54 (UTC)

[Following him as he moved back, she didn't let him go. If there hadn't been so much blood, she could have let it go..but this was a serious amount. He could die if he was hurt and it was left untreated.]

Gokudera, I'm not going to let this go. You're hurt, now do you want me to call for help or are you going to let me do this?

[Dammit, Mary...calm down, you're just scaring the kid more. Running her hands down his arms, her tone turned pleading; yet, she was still firm in her resolve.]

I'm going to touch you. I'm going to love you. And I'll burn in hell before I let you die, do you hear me?

[And if she ever found who turned that strong angry young boy int this, she'd kill them herself.]

[His head snapped up at Mary and looked at her as though she were some sort of monster about to kill him. Call for help? S-she would call that bastard again. They'd open it up... he would bleed... there wouldn't be any stopping it. Just like last time. The blood wouldn't stop, and there would be that smell... and that taste... he hated it. He didn't want that again. He yanks himself from her grip and frantically backs himself as far away from her as the bed would allow, and brought his hands frantically through his hair]

N-no...no... nononono GET AWAY FROM ME!

[Then she claimed she would "love" him. No. No one could "love" him. His own father threw him away. He was damaged goods. Even Ryuutaro couldn't love someone like him. He didn't want to play these games. He couldn't handle it right now. It was too much. Just too much for him.]

NO! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

[He pulled his hands away from his head and looked down at his them, flecks of black blood and the now brown rust-colored smudges plastered all over his hands and arms. There was so much blood. Just so much blood. It was all his. It was everywhere, and he remembered just so vividly what it felt like to grow weaker as his own heartbeat seemed to betray him, pouring more and more of his own blood out onto the floor. When he speaks again his words are come out in a quiet whimper and he defensively curled himself into a little ball once again. This time from Mary. From her touching and her threats and from her 'love'.]

I-I already died....

[His reaction actually caused her to back up. At least she'd gotten a proper response from him...not that she wanted him freaking out on her like that...but he was talking. It was a start.

Standing from the bed, she took a few steps back, her hands raised in surrender. She'd let him have this win for now, but before the day was out, she'd have him out of that bloody shirt.]

Alright. You win, I'll back off.

[Stepping back, she sat in her rocking chair as she watched Gokudera.]

I'm sorry...I should have been there. [But instead, she'd been wallowing in her own self pity. Why hadn't she checked to make sure he was okay?] I can make it better if you'll let me.

[It takes him a couple minutes to calm his breathing again. He calmed down a bit, but didn't look up at her at all.]

... someone was there.

[His cheeks light up a bit and he held his legs closer to him, trying to pull warmth from them to mimic the feeling he had being held. He had only been held like that once before, and both times it had felt so nice. It was warm, and he was touched so gently, things he had not really experienced since he was a child, and even then it was a rarity. But someone had stayed with him. There were people who found him important enough to hold and comfort when he was so close to death.

And he had let them down by dying.

He remembered the crying... he remembered Ryuutaro crying, and his shaking hands. He couldn't even imagine just how much he had hurt him by leaving him alone like that. And what about the angel?! What if it had followed them?! What if Ryuutaro got hurt, or worse, because he decided to stay there for him? He lets out a whimper, and buries his face into his jeans. He didn't want to be looked at. He was just so pathetic]

...and I left him all alone...

...

[It took all of her willpower to hold back her mothering instincts and simply wrap him in her arms...but he wasn't her son. He didn't want her love; not that she could simply turn off her feelings, but she'd try to keep herself from smothering him.

Hearing his broken voice, it was even harder to keep from hugging him, her hands fisting tightly in her dress. It wasn't his fault that he'd died. If anything, it was hers. She'd been so...depressed; she fell back on making sure that no one else got hurt.]

They don't blame you. There's no way that they could...it was just something thing that happened.

Think about it this way. You're back. You can make it up to them if it makes you feel so bad.

[And then he looked up at her, his eyes big and worried]

But what if he got hurt? W-what if that thing...

[And his eyes begin to moisten]

O-Oh god what if that thing got him too... w-w-what if he...

[And he clasps his hand over his mouth, and the tears fall.]

I failed him... I b-broke my promises to him... and he could be... he could be...

[And he finally breaks down into sobs that shook his pale and thin frame, he curls back into his ball with his hands in his hair, clutching his head. He was pathetic.]

I-i-it's a-all m-m-my fault!

Edited 2011-10-25 03:44 (UTC)

[Oh, to hell with it.

Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, she lifted a hand to his head, stroking his hair gently. She was able to hold herself back from simply hugging him, but just barely.]

I'm sure he's fine...They didn't seem to continue to chase people if they hurt them, so since you got hurt, I'm sure that it left.

[It was a lie, but it may make him feel better.]

Listen to me, you got hurt...that's no one's fault, especially not yours.

[It was hers.]

I-I didn't get hurt... I... I died! I died and b-broke my promise to him a-and t-to the Tenth... I should be stronger... I'm worthless... I'm so worthless...

[He lets out another choked sob and lifts his head up from his arms, though he doesn't look at Mary or acknowledge that she's touching him for a moment, too engulfed in trying the quell his sobs enough to talk again. Then, after a pause he turns his eyes towards her, almost pleedingly.]

D-did you see him? D-did you see Ryuutaro at all? D-do you know if he's okay?

He's fine, I promise you, he's fine.

[She hadn't seen him, but if Gokudera was alive again, then if this Ryuutaro got killed, he'd be alive too.

Seeing that he didn't brush her hand off, she inched closer, making sure that she wasn't close enough to be imposing.]

I could try to find him for you later...if that's what you want.

[Again, he does acknowledge her getting closer, so long as she didn't make a move for his stomach.]

D-did you see him though?

[He actually turns to look at Mary, seeming a bit more aware of his surroundings. He sniffs again and looks back down to clumsily start trying to wipe his eyes dry, though the blood on his hands and arm just stung his eyes and got smudged all over his face.]

He stayed with me the whole time...

I did...he's just fine. A bit sad about you, but they didn't get him.

[He could be talking about that boy that was on the comms. She didn't remember much from that week, but she could faintly remember a boy crying over someone...it seemed to fit well enough. What was the name that he said? H-something...it was foreign, she knew that much. Hi...Hayato? That sounded about right.]

Your name is Hayato, right?

[He nodded weakly]

It's my first name... i-it's what Ryuutaro calls me...

[He never told her his first name, and only Ryuutaro called him Hayato... so it had to be him... he was alright. Even through his tears a weak smile forms.]

S-so he is alright... [And another little sob...though that weak smile remains as he tries to wipe the new tears from his eyes again] S-so I didn't fail him completely... I still protected him... th-thank god...

[Good, she had something right at least.]

Of course you didn't fail him, I'm sure that you did everything you could.

[Petting his hair, she smiled as he stayed calm. She had no doubt that sooner or later he'd be back to his lovable self, but until then, she'd enjoy his even temperament.]

After you get some rest and something to eat, we can try to find him. Okay?

[Hayato nodded and sniffed a bit, slowly uncurling himself and sat more normally. His demeanor is still meek and more childlike than usual]

'Kay.... I gotta find him... I... he was... I hurt him real bad because I died... I gotta let him know I'm okay...

Edited 2011-10-29 04:19 (UTC)

No. You have to rest and let yourself heal...you won't do him any good if you push yourself and hurt yourself worse.

I'll try to let him know you're okay, or you can do it yourself later.

[She wasn't budging on that. The way the boy was acting only spoke the truth, he needed to relax and get back to normal. Meeting his fiend like this would only scare the other.]

[Hayato looks himself over and lets out a little whine, squirming a little uncomfortably. Clearly he didn't like her ruling, but could see her reasoning behind it. He bit his lip then looked up at Mary]

Please let him know for me? He's.... he's...

[A little blush makes it's way onto his cheeks, and his fidgeting continues]

He's real special to me and I don't want him to cry like that again...

[His bashful attitude caused her to smile a bit. He was almost acting like she had...when...John...waaaaait a minute.]

Are you two...involved?

[Not that there was anything wrong with it, on the contrary. She appreciated love in almost all of it's forms. She wasn't her father, she wouldn't deny anyone love.]

[He looked up at her meekly then back down at his hands, his cheeks turning a darker shade of red. He was still awkward and uncomfortable about his sexuality... the world had rejected him for the way he was already, he felt as though it were just one more thing to make people hate him. But even so, if this woman would hate him for it, he might as well get it out in the open. It's what Ryuutaro would want... he always seemed so proud about it...]

Him and I are... We're a...He's my boyfriend....

[and he averts his eyes to the ground shyly]

[Bringing her hand under his chin, she lifted his head slowly.]

There's no reason to be ashamed. I'm happy for the two of you...you should always take love where you can find it; especially in a place like this.

[Really, it was a relief to see that even in all the torture this place put them through, some people could still find love and understanding. It was a special thing...and something that some of them would die for. She loved her boys but...she still got lonely at times; not that she was looking to sleep around, on the contrary. She just wanted to find someone to spend time with socially.]

I'd like to meet him sometime if you'll let me.

[He looked up at her, confused by the movement. Then his eyes widened. No one... no one had told him it was okay. No one had told him it way okay to be...

He hadn't thought of this yet. Their getting together had been so fumbly and awkward he hadn't thought about love yet. Heck, it had been over a month and they had only kissed once. He just kept staring for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Was he really in love with Ryuutaro? The more he thought about it the more the answers became clearer. His heart skipped a beat at the thought of him, he trusted the younger boy, he liked spending time with him... and no matter how many times he became afraid and pushed Ryuutaro away... he had always come back. He was in love. He, who had grown up without any sort of honest love after his mother's death, was in love. It scared him.

Gokudera's eyes start to well up, and he tightens his jaw to try and keep the tears from flowing again. He was so weak right now. So weak and pathetic, and despite his best efforts the tears fell regardless. But they weren't tears from the pain, or the fear, or self-loathing...

It was because he was in love with a boy and it was okay.]

I-I do love him... I... I really do...

[He could never admit this to Ryuutaro yet. Telling Ryuutaro would be like giving him permission to hurt him, just like his father and sister had. He couldn't give him that power yet. Ryuutaro could destroy him with that power, and he wouldn't be able to handle that kind of betrayal again.

He pulled back from Mary again, but this time just to wipe his eyes. He hated looking so weak... but he just felt so small and vulnerable right now, and the tears just came so quickly.]

K-kay...

[She could read that reaction so well. It was the same face she had when her friend had told her that it was okay that she was in love...when she was given something that everyone else refused to give her.

Letting her hands fall away, she just smiled sadly at the boy. He seemed so confused, so...lost. Standing from the bed, she decided to give him a short time to himself. Not enough time for him to run away, just...enough time to get his thoughts in order and his composure.]

Stay here, I'll be right bag. Okay? I'll just...be right back. If you need me, feel free to call and I'll run back.

[Moving from the room, she quickly ran down to the kitchen and got a tray. He needed to eat to get his strength back...perhaps a few pain killers. She still had a few left over from when her wrist was fractured, he could take one of those.

Cooking the rice and tomato soup on the stove, she set about preparing everything else for him. Had she the time, she could make things a little fancier or at least slow her pace, she didn't want to leave him alone for long though.

Setting a glass of juice of the tray, she gathered a bowl and poured the tomato soup in, adding a few scoops of rice and stirring. She wasn't sure that he'd like it, but Dean always seemed to love it, and she did as well. If he didn't like it..well, she'd make him something else.

Gathering the tray, she left the dishes and leftovers for the next person to come to the kitchen. Carefully opening her door, she stepped inside with a grin, tray presented like an offering.]

I don't suppose you're hungry?

29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

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