badfic_manor | 29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

[Okay. His stomach hurt. that meant that as soon as she was satisfied he wouldn't vanish, she'd make Ryuutaro's stomach hurt. No one let her friend get hurt and got away with it.]

It will pass.

Do you want a cool rag for it? Or is it more that you want something to drink and eat?

I'm not hungry... it's just...

[Nerves. Whenever something stressed him out, his stomach was always the first thing to act up.]

My stomach acts up a lot on it's own... I'll be okay...

[But more importantly...]

Y-you said you were gonna let Ryuutaro know I'm alright, right?

[She said she would, every moment she spent fussing over him and his weakness, Ryuutaro still thought he was dead... and was hurting...]

[Okay, so he was fine. That was good...Whatever it was would fix itself and he'd be back to normal in no time.

About to say something comforting, her jaw tightened at his words. Again with Ryuutaro. What would it take to make him forget about that weakling?

Straightening up, she turned to the door before she did something that she would regret later.]

I'll take care of that now then. Don't move.

[but she wouldn't be talking to Ryuutaro. No. She'd walk the halls for a bit. That was it. Gokudera didn't need to get anymore attached to him than he was.]

[Gokudera bit his lip and nodded. He was afraid to be alone... but he had to be strong. He needed to make sure Ryuutaro's pain was eased knowing he was alive again. That was what was important.]

'K-kay... I'll stay here... hurry okay?

[He didn't want to be alone for long...]

[After beating a wall a fair distance from her room, she made her way back. She didn't know what she'd say, but...she was sure that something would come to her.

Pushing her door open, she sauntered up to her bed and kicked her shoes off.]

Okay, he's been told.

[She really had his best intentions at heart...really. she had an odd way of showing her love.]

[Gokudera looked up at her when she came in, expecting to see Ryuutaro in tow, or at least some explanation as to what he said. He waited a moment and not seeing either, he took matters into his own hands]

A-a-and where is he? I-is he comin'? What d-did he say?

[Oh Gods...This was her chance. She could break them up for good, she could save Gokudera. She just had to do this right and be careful to not mess this up.

Shaking her head, she kept her face blank.]

He just said 'okay'. I don't think he's coming though, he honestly didn't seem too interested when I told him.

W-what? n-no... th-that can't be right... h-he always comes back... he always...

[Ryuutaro... wasn't coming. He wasn't going to come anymore.]

I-it's because I-I broke my promise... I broke my promise a-a-and now... a-and now...

[And Hayato dropped to knees and let out a cry as what little strength he had in his body just seemed to give out. The cry soon became an outright scream as he tried to lessen the internal agony that had suddenly set in his chest. It hurt. Ryuutaro had thrown him away, and after everything that they had been through. If Ryuutaro had thrown him away like that, than what hope could he ever have of remaining in the Vongola? He was useless to Tsuna as his right hand man, and now he had broken his promise and gotten killed. He was just so worthless.

He lets out another scream as he brings his hands to clutch his head, doing everything in his power from breaking entirely. Then the scream finally just breaks out into sobs and his body just goes completely limb on the floor.

Was he really so easy to throw away?]

[She felt bad about what she'd done. Particularly as she saw how broken up he was about it. She couldn't help it though, it was for his own good...he'd realize in time that Ryuutaro was no good for him.

Moving to the floor beside him, she draped herself over him, careful to not press on his stomach. Running her hands through his hair, she nuzzled his shoulder carefully.]

Shh...It's okay. You can stay here with me, I won't let anyone hurt you ever again.

You're my friend, right? I'll keep you safe.

[He wouldn't die again, not while she was with him. She'd make sure that he never got hurt again. She'd take care of him.]

[And he instantly just snapped up from his position on the ground, throwing Temari off him]

AND HOW LONG UNTIL YOU THROW ME AWAY TOO!? I LOVE HIM TEMARI! I love him and he still... he still... I'm worthless... I'm just so worthless...

[And he collapsed onto the floor again, the sobs that shook his frame died down, leaving him just listlessly laying there. Occasionally he would take a few sharp inhales as he recovered from hyperventilating, while the tears still streamed silently down his face.

It had been a long time since he had to deal with this sort of heartbreak. Not since he came to the realization his father was never going to come for him after he ran away. He just didn't want to feel it anymore. It hurt too much. He just didn't want to feel anything anymore.

Why had he ever bothered trying to make friends? They always leave, or abandon you, or use you. He hated people. If he were still on the streets he wouldn't be hurting like this. Sure it was lonely... but it never hurt quite like this did...]

[Not expecting the suddenly violent reaction, Temari just stared at him from where she landed a few feet away. Had she been wrong? Would...would he even be able to survive like this? Curling into a smallish ball, she didn't offer him a response. She didn't want to let him go, she didn't...want to let him go back to him.

Tears streamed silently down her face as she let her bangs cover her face.]

Why...

Why do you love him?

He let you die. He doesn't deserve you, you deserve so much better than him.

[She couldn't understand. Gokudera was a fighter, Ryuutaro...he was weak. They weren't compatible.]

[He doesn't respond for about a minute, he had almost completely shut himself down mentally to try and numb the pain]

... he's strong... in all the ways I'm not... I'm not a strong person... I'm weak... a-and no m-matter how bad I messed up... or how scared I got and pushed him away... he still came for me... a-and he still w-wanted me back...

[He sniffs a bit]

N-no one e-e-ever wanted me back before... m-my own family didn't...

[And his voice starts to turn into a little wine and the crying seems to start back up again]

B-but n-now he... he... he threw me away too...

[Standing slowly, she kept her head bowed. She'd separated them and she was still losing him, he was slipping away from her...]

Do you know...what I felt when I saw you lying there? I saw my friend...my only friend...dead and covered in blood.

And that bastard that you love, he didn't even try to avenge you. He was just sitting there...he didn't even try.

HE LET YOU DIE! WHAT ABOUT THIS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!

[Turning, she put a fist through her window, not caring as the glass cut into her hand and caused blood to drip down onto her windowsill and carpet.]

He...he let you die...

[Hayato slowly looked up at her when he heard the glass break. Now look what he had gone and done. He just kept hurting people.

I-it's not his fault... he warned me... he told me what would happen... I promised I'd change it... I promised I wouldn't die... but I wasn't strong enough. I was just too weak...

[And he started to try and push himself off the ground, only to have his hand slip, making him collapse on the ground again. He was too weak to get up. He couldn't help her. He failed again.]

T-Temari... don't do that... p-please... I'm sorry. I didn't mean t-to hurt y-you... y-you're my best friend... I-I know I-I'm weak... j-just...

[And he starts to try and wipe his tears away, as they suddenly start to flow again]

Please don't hate me too...

Edited 2011-11-08 07:02 (UTC)

It's all his fault...before him, you didn't die. You didn't leave me...

[Falling to her knees, she leaned against the wall. She knew what Gaara would say. He'd call her weak. She let herself get attached to someone, and now look what happened. She broke her window and couldn't even keep him with her, he still wanted to leave her, just like everyone else.]

If I'm your best friend, why do you want to go back to him? Stay with me...don't leave me. You can take my bed, I don't mind...I just...I can't see you die again...

What can he do for you that I can't? I'll protect you, I'll take care of you...please...forget about him...please...

[She couldn't see the appeal of being with that weakling, he was a hazard to everyone around him, he didn't deserve Gokudera. No one did. No one could protect him like she could.]

... why would you think I'm gonna leave? You're my best friend... I could never leave you, it doesn't matter who I'm in love with...

[He reached his hand out to hers, he wanted to get closer to her, but he was too weak to do so on his own.

Nothing's changed... you're still like the sister I never got to have...

[He looked up at her. He hurt her. He hurt her because he was... well the way he was. He felt so ashamed and disgusted with himself. If Ryuutaro knew how he was feeling he would... well he already hated him anyway. What difference would it make now? He had hurt the two of the most important people he knew... and if the Tenth found out... he couldn't even bring to think about that possibility. He couldn't think about being thrown away AGAIN. Of course that could be the only outcome after telling the Tenth everything. If Ryuutaro had thrown him away for dying, and Temari was reacting like this about his sexuality... what chance did he have with the Vongola?]

I-I'm sorry that I'm... I'm... [He couldn't even say it he was so ashamed] p-please don't hate me too...

[He turned his head so that he was looking away. He didn't want her to have to see just how pathetic he looked]

I-I won't leave... not until you throw me away too... I... I don't have anywhere else t-to go now...

Don't apologize. There's nothing wrong with you...

[Moving closer, she gripped his hand tightly. She didn't want to let him go, but...she wanted him to be happy. He'd already been through so much, she knew what his family life had been like...she couldn't let him be hurt again though...

But...wasn't she the one hurting him now?

Wrapping her free arm around him, she took a deep breath as she laid her head against his shoulder. She was fighting with herself, she knew she had a decision to make. If he knew that she lied to him, he'd hate her. No matter what her reasoning was, he'd hate her.]

I'm...I'm sorry, Gokudera.

I'd never throw you away...and...

[Tightening her grip, she knew what she had to do. She just...didn't want to. He said he wouldn't leave her though, he promised.]

...He didn't either...

[Hayato didn't respond for the first few moments. He didn't believe her. There had to be something bad about him. Why else would people hurt him so much? Why else would nobody want him? Though he was completely comfortable as she lay on him. Though her last words snapped him from his thoughts. He turned his head to Temari and looked up at her confused. What did she mean 'he didn't either'? She said he did...]

W-what do you mean?

[Pulling back, she focused on her carpet; the green fibers suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. She didn't want to answer him, but...he'd ask her forever until she told him. If she didn't tell him...she'd be no better than the people that made him like his is, the people that he detests.

Tugging on a few pieces, she didn't look at him. She couldn't bear to see his expression.]

I...I didn't tell him...

[and for a moment he just stared.... trying to register what those words meant... he almost couldn't believe them...]

[Once it finally registered he bit his lip and looked down, letting his bangs obscure his face for a moment. His shoulders began to tremble and then...]

[He flung his arms around Temari letting out some choked noise that was a cross between laughing and crying.]

H-he doesn't hate me! H-he didn't th-throw m-m-me away!

[And the odd mixture of laughing and sobbing continued. He couldn't bring himself to be angry at Temari at the moment. He was just too relieved. He felt so much lighter, almost happy. Even the memories of his death had momentarily faded into the background while he was just absolute relief washed over him.]

I-I'm not... c-completely worthless...

Edited 2011-11-08 20:30 (UTC)

[She didn't expect that reaction. Wrapping her arms around him, she wished that she could be as happy as he was. She couldn't though, not when she knew that he'd be leaving her to go and find Ryuutaro as soon as he could move properly.

And she wasn't like her family, she wouldn't cripple him to keep him with her. He'd never be happy that way.]

You were never worthless, not to me.

[It took a few more minutes for him to calm down. He let his hands fall and just leaned against her, too tired to move anymore. Heck, he was even starting to nod off a little bit. He didn't pay much heed to the statement about him not being worthless. He never did. People didn't know. While Temari knew more about him than most people, she still didn't know everything. There were even a lot of things he hadn't told Ryuutaro before... but at least for the time being he was still useful enough not to be thrown away.

That isn't to say the damage hadn't been done. While for the moment he was too relieved for his self-doubts to start crawling through his head again, they would return, as well as a bit of wariness of Temari's words in the future... but for now, everything was okay.]

I-I'm s-so glad...

[Staying where she was, she just wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She wasn't moving, wasn't going to let him leave her just yet. They'd stay here and be happy while it lasted, he'd see that he didn't need that weakling.]

I'm sorry...I just wanted to protect you.

[Letting him relax a little longer, she soon moved to put an arm under his legs and lifted him from the floor almost effortlessly. He'd stay with her tonight, he wasn't going to leave her sight.

Moving him to the bed, she tucked him in before sitting on the edge of her bed.]

Think about what I said...you can stay here. With me. You'll never feel unwanted again, I promise you...

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andsuddenlydynamite - 2011-11-10 01:49 (UTC) - Expand

29th bomb || Hayato Gokudera || [in person] || Backdated to Thursday

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