Badfic Manor

[Evil soul-sucking stone angels, is it?  Fine and dandy.  Let them come.

Most of the video's dark and unclear, but it looks like Snape's in the basement somewhere, perhaps in the med lab where some of his pilfered potions supplies are.  He's moving his wand and muttering to himself as a silvery light moves around him.]

I'll be safe here...for now, anyway.  There's got to be a way to destroy them.  Well, even if there isn't...

[He holds his wand up and whispers, Expecto patronum, and silvery light emerges from his wand like a soap bubble.]

...this should help.

[Against his better judgment, Snape has been drawn to a group of people dressed in black robes.  There are plenty of other absurd costumes, but there are lots of what looks like Hogwarts students here.  Many of them have the House badges sewn onto the robes, but they look different from the robes Snape's wearing.  He ignores them and pushes past  them to see what's going on.

Books.  Well, this can't be too bad.  And it looks like everyone's writing and exchanging ideas.  There's even a panel of people up front offering up writing advice.

Someone taps Snape on the shoulder and brandishes a bunch of papers at him, urging him to read.  They insist that he'll like it, and wink.]

Fine.

[It's...a story.  A story about Hogwarts.  About Sirius Black, of all people.  And about how he and...wait...]

Why am I in this?

[About how Sirius and Snape are desperately in love and sometimes, when no one else is around, they sneak off to the Forbidden Forest and they...]

AAAAAARGH!  What the hell is this?!

[Listen closely, and you'll hear the swish and billow of robes and the scuff of shoes on dusty floors as Snape strolls down the halls.  He holds his lit want aloft, and every now and then he flicks it and a sphere of light drifts off his wand point to hover in the air.  They don't provide much light, but it's better than the darkened, powerless corridors.]

I can't believe there aren't any bloody candles in this place.

[He aims a kick at the wall as he walks, punching a hole through the drywall.]

This place is a wreck.

[He walks on, leaving his little light spheres behind.]

[Snape's standing near one of the raptor pens.  Despite the warm weather he's still wearing his robes.  He stands with his hands jammed into his trouser pockets, scowling down at the raptors in the pits.]

Like little, stupid dragons.  What unfortunate beasts.

[He steps closer to the barrier.]

I wonder where they're from.

[Snape stood outside Remus Lupin's door, wand in pocket, hand raised to the door.

He'd seen it all.  He knew Lupin's secret.  It explained everything.  So what else could he do but confront the boy about it?

Snape rapped smartly on the door, waiting to see if Lupin was in.]

[A very familiar looking someone is walking down the halls of the manor.  He has a wand in his right hand, the blackberry in his left.  He glances back and forth, as if trying to determine where he is.]

What's going on?

[It all seems familiar to him, somehow...]


[ooc: This is Snape as the Potions Master from Hogwarts, around book 5.]

[The feed shows Snape walking down one the manor's hallways, probably to the library.  He's had quite enough of the Author's idea of Halloween.

There's a clicking sound, and Snape stops walking.]

What...

[In the corner of the screen there's one hairy spider leg.  Snape yelps and pulls out his wand.]

Stupefy!

[A flash of red light fills the screen, followed by the sounds of Snape's frantic footsteps and more yelled spells before the feed ends.]

(ooc: this is one of James' pranks.  That giant spider, most likely a simple Engourgement spell, is in hot pursuit of Snape.  Anyone want to help him/laugh at him?)

[The view is at an awkward angle, showing part of the wall and the ceiling.  The curtains on the windows are drawn shut.]

This can't be happening.  I don't know how she can do this...

[Snape's pacing back and forth across the room, in and out of the blackberry's sight.  One hand is behind his back, the other over his mouth.]

Bloody vampires, of all things...

[He stops momentarily and runs one finger over a long fang.  He snarls to himself and continues his pacing.]

[Hey, come out onto the mansion grounds!  The weather's perfect!  You'll find Ebony Prince there, dressed in a frilly black skirt that's far too short and a tight top that's half t-shirt, half corset, with a rather daring neckline that shows off her ample cleavage.  She's wearing jewelry, all of it silver and jade.  She's got a broomstick over her shoulder - a Nimbus 2000.  She's singing softly to herself in a high, sweet voice, one that wouldn't be out of place on Broadway.]

[The feed shows a ceiling made of asbestos squares with fluorescent lights.  It's most likely the med lab.  There's the sound of frantic footsteps, a sound like boiling water, clangs and bangs and a female voice muttering.]

Sage...barely...blood of mouse and powdered Fwooper feather, which of course aren't here, dammit.  Powdered manticore horn, beetle carapace...at least there may be guava juice in the kitchens.

[Strange-colored smoke starts to drift across the view.  The smoke is at first purple, then red, then somewhere in between.]

Ash of ceder!  I'll never find that here!

[The sound of footsteps is heard again.  The view changes suddenly, as if the Blackberry was knocked aside and off whatever table it was on.  The view catches what looks like Snape, though he's taken his school robes off and his shirt's sleeves are rolled up; the room is clearly quite hot.  Snape's figure, though, has more curves than it should, and his facial features are softer, more feminine.  Certainly there's no ratty moustache anymore.]

If anyone sees me like this...

[The feed sputters and ends.]